tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-73115892963184059872024-03-05T07:36:25.748-07:00Through Heaven's EyesLife As A Miracle, An Adventure, And A Dance.Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311589296318405987.post-34440516999251772412014-06-23T17:14:00.001-06:002014-06-23T17:14:34.145-06:00Quit Acting Like Christ Was Accepting of Everyone and EverythingI read this blog today. Loved it, and want to share it. Amen brother, amen.<br /><br />
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<a href="http://www.gregtrimble.com/quit-acting-like-christ-was-accepting-of-everyone-and-everything/#.U6i0u9kM-bE.blogger">Quit Acting Like Christ Was Accepting of Everyone and Everything</a>Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311589296318405987.post-78051141340869277562014-04-13T11:20:00.000-06:002014-04-13T11:21:52.489-06:00Being a Harvest for the Lord- The Sermon on the Mount: The Path to Decispleship<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I'd like to pose a basic and logical equation, as I approach the valuable lessons taught by the Savior in His all-famous ancient sermon in the mountains surrounding Galilee. That equation being:<br />
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<b><span style="color: orange;">Water + Salt + Light + Seed= Harvest</span><span style="color: #660000;"> </span></b></div>
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I begin with this concept because it seems to be the foundation upon all the teachings and principles addressed in Christ's sermon. The fact alone that it can be likened to a process all mankind is familiar with; cultivating land for a harvest is in my opinion an even greater genius approach. The world's inhabitants cannot survive mortality without such a process of their food and nourishment being obtained. Its a law of nature, both physically.... and spiritually; and we know that God has always created all things first spiritually, then temporally. My mind is blown and I haven't even really gotten started!</div>
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Jesus begins his discourse, recorded in the book of <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/5?lang=eng" target="_blank">Matthew, chapter 5</a>, by addressing attributes of discipleship and the blessings associated with such behaviors and characteristics of an individual. I want to give credit to a friend who enlightened me with this information before I even began my in-depth study of these teachings today. <a href="https://www.facebook.com/jeremiah.harmon.925?fref=ts" target="_blank">Jeremiah Harmon</a> has become a "cup that runneth over" to me in my life. He always has a deeper insight to consider; he is one whom I try to mirror in hungering and thirsting after righteousness and all knowledge. Jeremiah is always looking for ways to not only improve himself, but also those in his life. He never thinks to keep the wonderful things that bless his him from pouring out to everyone else's cups. </div>
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Jeremiah recently likened this teaching of Christ to me in this way, by considering these specific characteristics and their associated blessing:</div>
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Poor in Spirit= The Kingdom of Heaven is Theirs</div>
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They that Mourn= Comfort</div>
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Meek= Inherit the Earth</div>
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Hungering and Thirsting for Righteousness= Filled</div>
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Pure in Heart= See God</div>
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Peacemakers= Called God's Children</div>
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Persecuted for Righteousness= Kingdom of Heaven is Theirs</div>
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These characteristics ignite the passion required to fulfill our purpose. <i>Everything</i> in the universe and beyond, has been created by God for it's own specific purpose.<br />
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For a wonderful example, Jesus teaches that we, "are the salt of the earth" (Matthew 5:13). Consider the purposes and uses for salt both today and anciently. Not only has salt been used as the main spice in cooking and preparing the food of man, but in the ancient world, salt was also used for currency. It was also used in the Mosaic law as a token of the covenant and part of sacrificial ritual (see <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/lev/2?lang=eng" target="_blank">Leviticus 2:13</a> and <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/num/18?lang=eng" target="_blank">Numbers 18:19</a>). Other purposes for salt included: being used as a preservative; a fertilizer; a purifier.... even to increase lamp light by adding it to the wicks.<br />
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I don't know about you, but I can see the spiritual symbolism here... considering salt as a preservative, might we be the preserving power that aims to keep the purity of the world? Or perhaps we are a fertilizer, helping the world to grow and prosper; to bring new life to the world.<br />
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Based on my previously proposed formula, I would like us to consider us being the salt and likening that concept to fertilizing the growth of mankind.<br />
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Christ then asks if salt without savour has any purpose, or if it is good for nothing. I of course wondered if salt could literally lose its savour. Naturally, <i>sodium chloride</i> is actually very stable and cannot lose its flavor... but can you IMAGINE if it did?!! How awful! The flavors of this life would be dull without the salt. In likening this to us, since He is saying WE are the salt, what if we lose OUR purpose?? We would be henceforth "good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men." Well that's pretty deep and all, but just what exactly IS our purpose? Whether we are missionaries, business owners, mothers, grandfathers, rich or poor... we ALL possess a purpose. The important thing we must learn is WHAT it is!<br />
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It is also interesting to note that the term, "lost it's savour" in both Greek and Aramaic translation actually reads: <i>Became foolish</i>. Ponder on that insight for a minute... We are the salt of the earth (sanctifying agent of this earth): but if we the salt have become foolish, wherewith shall the earth be sanctified?<br />
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Now, the Savior went on to teach that not only are we the salt of the earth but low and behold, we are also, "the light of the world"! Well my goodness! God must have a fine harvest in mind in deed! Let's break down that formula from earlier...<br />
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Jesus Christ (<b>the fountain of living water</b>), is teaching us how to bring in a great harvest. We know that He is the embodiment of the love of God. The ancient prophet, Nephi witnessed a vision where<br />
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this was explained (1 Nephi 11:25). This concept is further visualized when Jesus himself is speaking <br />
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with the woman of Samaria by the well (John 4:10).<br />
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Add to this living water, a fertilizer or <b>the sanctifying agent of the earth, salt</b>; a child of God who is continually seeking to better themselves and discover and act upon ways to be found pure at the last day. Sounds like someone walking the straight and narrow path, right?<br />
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But this is not all that is required. We also need light! Later in the sermon, it is mentioned that the <b>light of the body is the eye</b>. Have you ever looked into the eyes of someone who has been truly converted to the word? Those eyes are filled with sincerity and absent of guile. The eyes of a person are a key indicator of the life inside them. If that light is actually my life, it should shine before the world; filled with good works (grace, justice, righteousness, etc). THIS alone can be MY ultimate glorification of God.<br />
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Then we have the <b>word which we will compare unto a seed </b>(Alma 32:28), which we know if it is given place in us to be planted in our heart, and if we don't cast it out by our unbelief it will swell and grow within us; enlarging our souls and enlightening our understanding; it becomes delicious to us.<br />
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The Savior is teaching us the pathway we must walk to be TRUE disciples of Him. A true disciple does MORE than just the bare minimum. He or she is not content with simply scratching the surface of the field they are tilling. They intend for their roots to grow much deeper. Not only do they keep the law, the Ten Commandments, but they pinpoint specific ways to do more than just keep the law... because their ultimate goal, is to obtain godhood.<br />
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A true disciple keeps these commandments:<br />
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1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.<br />
2. Though shalt not make unto thee any graven image.<br />
3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord in vain.<br />
4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep in holy.<br />
5. Honour thy father and thy mother.<br />
6. Thou shalt not kill.<br />
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.<br />
8. Thou shalt not steal.<br />
9. Thou shalt not bear false witness.<br />
10. Thou shalt not covet.<br />
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And adds these sanctifying specifics as commandments to abide by:<br />
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-Allow my life to be filled with righteousness only; not evil.<br />
-Don't break these "lesser" commandments.<br />
-Do these commandments and teach them.<br />
-Do not carry anger to anyone without a cause; do not be contempt.<br />
-Forgive first, then bring my broken heart to God.<br />
-Quickly have kind thoughts for, or be well disposed toward my enemies.<br />
-Do not view/look upon others in lust or sensuality.<br />
-If my eyes cause me to stumble, remove the distraction/temptation so I am no longer stopped from progression.<br />
-Know that divorce is not an option; it goes against God's very plan.<br />
-Don't swear, at all.<br />
-Turn the other cheek; don't get even.<br />
-Give to those who ask.<br />
-Love my enemies and opposition; be benevolent.<br />
-Be perfect, like unto God the Father.<br />
-Do not let my religious acts of devotion be as if it were a show to the world; Don't be prideful in my worship, in an effort to "show-up" others.<br />
-Pray in a similar manner as Christ prayed.<br />
-Be not worldly and obtain things outside my needs. Where my heart is, that is what I'm treasuring.<br />
-Be loyal to God, not the world.<br />
-Be a missionary.<br />
-Do not be concerned with temporal things, God will provide--if I have faith, even just a little.<br />
-Seek FIRST the kingdom of God, and I will receive what I seek and need.<br />
-Judge not unrighteously; judge righteous judgement.<br />
-Better myself, before trying to better another person.<br />
-Give not what is holy to unholy people. <i>i.e. Covenants, virtue, etc.</i><br />
-Ask for blessings; seek them out; learn what I need to do to obtain them.<br />
-Walk the path of Jesus: Faith, Repentance, Baptism, Receiving the Holy Ghost, Temple Attendance<br />
-Beware of false prophets. <i>i.e. impure truths, partial truths, incorrect knowledge</i><br />
-Do not live/work without this law.<br />
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Being this sanctified is sure to be followed with ridicule because it seems so outside the norm. Hence why we live in a Telestial realm and not a Terestial at this time. Being this sanctified, is an act of a Celestial being in all logical thinking. Of course its going to stick out and not fit in this world... but we were never MEANT to stay in this state, were we? Wise men, build their lives upon Christ and His Celestial precepts. Foolish men build their lives upon this temporal world and its Telestial concepts.<br />
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What does this all mean to me? To you? Lets try that formula again...<br />
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<span style="color: orange;">My Purpose= Love of God + Sanctification + Sincere Devotion + The Word</span></div>
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See, <b>I </b>am the harvest! <b>WE</b> are the harvest!<br />
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"Now behold, a marvelous work <i>(God's work and glory is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man... me)</i> is about to come forth among the children of men.<br />
Therefore, O ye that embark in the service of God <i>(keeping ALL of these commandments and precepts taught in the sermon)</i>, see that ye serve him with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand blameless before God at the last day <i>(Remember, only YOU can decide if you want a place in the Celestial kingdom)</i>.<br />
Therefore, if ye have desires to serve God ye are called to the work (<i>the labor of keeping our light bright enough for those wandering in strange paths to find their way back to the iron rod)</i>;<br />
For behold the field is white already to harvest; and low, he that thrusteth in his sickle with his might, the same layeth up in store that he perisheth not, but bringeth salvation to <b><i>HIS</i></b> soul;<br />
And faith, hope, charity and love, with an eye single to the glory of God, qualify him for the work.<br />
Remember faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, brotherly kindness, godliness, charity, humility, diligence.<br />
Ask, and ye shall receive; knock and it shall be opened unto you. Amen." (D&C 4)</blockquote>
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May we bring in our harvest for the Lord...<br />
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Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311589296318405987.post-55156562517407741042014-04-07T22:20:00.000-06:002014-04-07T22:20:34.812-06:00An 8-Cow Woman Deserves an 8-Cow Man<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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In this work of intellect and perspective, An 8-Cow Woman Deserves an 8-Cow Man By Tracy Lyn Cutler a parallel between a classic story and characteristics for individuals to bring to a successful relationship. It is The Legend of Johnny Lingo.<br />
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Johnny Lingo is the main character in a nineteenth-century tale set in the South Sea islands. It was written by Patricia McGerr in 1965 and first published in Women's Day Magazine; reprinted in the February 1988 Reader's Digest and later adapted for two different motion pictures.<br />
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Johnny and Sarita (Mahana in Mormon Culture) have been widely accepted as a part of the LDS community folklore. Ms. Cutler likens them and their relationship to the perils facing every modern day relationship, even though the classic story seemed to indicate that the fabulous couple lived happily ever after.<br />
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Is there a way to stop or even slow down the continual drifting apart of modern-day Johnny and Mahana? And what is the secret, if there is one, to a long life of bliss where a man and woman raise a happy family and then grow old together under the same thatched roof? Its not discovering a secret as much as it may be just paying attention to important principles that too many of us overlook.<br />
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On the island of Kiniwata, cows were symbols of wealth. These conceptualized cows are symbols as well--representing something of far greater value in any relationship than mere financial status. These 8 cows represent the character traits and values Johnny and Mahana each must have if they are to sustain a modern relationship.<br />
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Too many relationships are short of character. They are devoid of trust, respect, honesty, fidelity, and a litany of other virtues. They are sometimes built only on physical attraction and common interests. But that has NEVER been enough. Life and relationships are much more enjoyable when you have the requisite character traits.<br />
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In the spirit of Johnny Lingo and the traditions of Kiniwata: Mahana, you need to be an eight-cow woman; and, Johnny, you need to bring eight cows of your own to the table.<br />
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"<i>Most people say that it is the intellect which makes a great scientist. They are wrong; it is character.</i>"<br />
-<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Einstein" target="_blank">Albert Einstein</a><br />
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Before Johnny could have his eight-cow woman, he had to be an eight-cow man.<br />
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Johnny took the time and effort to acquire the eight cows of his own.<br />
Mahana through her goodness, humility, hard work, and despite the fact many people couldn't see it, was worth every one of them.<br />
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What are our standards?<br />
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These conceptualized modern cows will represent character traits.<br />
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What eight cows would you like to see in your relationship partner?<br />
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The ideal in any relationship is to create symbiosis.<br />
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Bring all eight of these characteristics to the relationship right up front.<br />
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The eight critical characteristic traits necessary for a sustainable relationship are:<br />
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1. Trusted Friendship<br />
2. Passion for Life<br />
3. Wisdom and Witt<br />
4. Financial Responsibility<br />
5. Spirituality<br />
6. Extraordinary and Unique<br />
7. Romantic and Intimate<br />
8. Considerate and Kind<br />
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Having each of these characteristics could help lead to a happier, more successful life--not necessarily an easy life, but a life that could overcome challenges and make long-term meaningful relationships an achievable goal.<br />
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"<i>Character--the willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life--is the source from which self respect springs.</i>" -<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joan_Didion" target="_blank">Joan Didion</a><br />
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"<i>Character is who you are and what you do when you think no one is watching.</i>" -Anonymous<br />
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<b>The Trusted Friend</b><br />
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"<i>Soul mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for</i><br />
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<i> you.</i>" -Author Unknown<br />
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Friendships include: Joking Around, Plenty of Fun, talking about the future and what each person wants out of life; then helping each other achieve their personal goals.<br />
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Friendship is a contract of the heart.<br />
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Friendship should be something worth fighting and dying for. A friendship should mean everything.<br />
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Friendship is a mutual meeting of hearts and minds--an unspoken bond of love, honesty, and trust. Friends entrust each other with their very souls.<br />
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Friendship is the foundation for a successful relationship to last. It is what will ultimately hold the relationship together.<br />
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A trusted friend is a true confidant, a best friend, someone we share our lives with--the good, the bad, and the ugly. Such friends are nonjudgemental of each other. They are a valued part of each other's lives.<br />
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Friendship will see a couple through the good times and the bad times. The loyalty they have to each other can soften any disagreement. The understanding between true friend overcomes all obstacles.<br />
<br />
There is a difference between liking and loving. When you love someone without liking them, the night can be long and cold, and contempt comes up with the sun.<br />
<br />
"<i>It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.</i>"<br />
-<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ralph_Waldo_Emerson" target="_blank">Ralph Waldo Emerson</a><br />
<br />
True friendship can only flourish in an atmosphere of trust.<br />
<br />
When two people both have this character trait of trusted friendship, they can then trust each other's motives and commitment to go the distance and not abandon the family/relationship. There will be a sense of security.<br />
<br />
Certainly, trust and love are both important, but love can only linger for so long when trust no longer exists. Friends expect each other to be forthcoming with all relevant information.<br />
<br />
Trusted friends take each other into their most extreme confidence.<br />
<br />
Trust goes way beyond just being honest or telling the truth...<br />
<br />
Friends trust that when they are down, their friend will lift them up. They trust that their friend will watch their back and stick up for them in public. They trust that their friend will also tactfully tell them when they have done something wrong or even if their hair is out of style. They trust that their friend will believe in them when everybody else casts doubts. The trust that their friend will be there to lend a hand when it is really needed and even when it isn't. Friends trust each other to share the good times and the bad.<br />
<br />
Conversations to build and determine friendship:<br />
<br />
How important to you is a trusted friendship in our relationship?<br />
<br />
Do you consider me a trusted friend?<br />
<br />
Do you ever find it difficult to tell me the truth? When?<br />
<br />
If I have violated your trust, what can I do to rebuild that trust?<br />
<br />
Have you ever violated my trust? Do you trust me enough to share that incident with me?<br />
<br />
Do you think it is possible to truly trust another person?<br />
<br />
<br />
"<i>Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important.</i>" -<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carl_Reiner" target="_blank">Carl Reiner</a><br />
<br />
"<i>Trust is the glue of life. It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It's the foundational principle that holds all relationships.</i>" -<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_R._Covey" target="_blank">Stephen R. Covey</a><br />
<br />
----------<br />
<br />
<b>Passion For Life</b><br />
<br />
"<i>The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.</i>" -<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ferdinand_Foch" target="_blank">Field Marshal Ferdinand Foch</a><br />
<br />
Passion for life is the drive to live beyond one's self--to lose one's self in something bigger than ego.<br />
<br />
You either live your life with meaningful passion or that energy will be diverted elsewhere.<br />
<br />
The villain to a life of passion is someone who knows right from wrong, has great prospects to do good, yet is unwilling to become passionate about his opportunities.<br />
<br />
Most people like to point to the activities of the villain and label them as "the problem". But laziness, endless internet surfing, excessive television, drugs, and addictions of all kinds are more symptoms than problems. They are the indicators of a life that has a dearth of spirit, of purpose, or commitment--the fire in such a person's life has been misdirected or numbed.<br />
<br />
Passion is food to our soul. We must have it to live. Passion fuels and drives our efforts.<br />
<br />
Passion for life is essential to existence because life is wholesome, worthwhile, and involves building people and creating goodness in the world. The opposite is death. It breeds destruction, selfishness, contempt, and world full of hate. The Bible teaches there are only two choices--life or death. Which will you feed your passion to?<br />
<br />
A physiological explanation for our need for passion:<br />
<br />
"<i>People want to experience joy. Joy emanates from the natural hormones of dopamine and serotonin from the midbrain organ called the amygdala. As we enjoy our family, our relationships, our work, and our recreation our brains produce these important chemicals that bring joy. In fact the greatest stimulant of these natural chemicals comes through selfless service. Jesus proclaimed, he 'who loses himself will find himself.' As we lose ourselves in good work, the passion that inspired the action works within us and literally our brain changes. Nitrous oxide is released causing the 'good feeling' that attends good deeds. This is a short-lived molecule that if sustained through persistent virtuous living, will elevate the important neurotransmitters of serotonin and dopamine.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>People who become depressed have low levels of these two chemicals and often will 'self medicate'. They employ a surrogate method of increasing these substances--succumbing to addictions. The use of alcohol, cocaine, tobacco, methamphetamines, and even pornography will raise the levels of these brain chemicals in an unnatural manner. Those who use these substances, will 'feel passionate' for as long as the surrogate is in their system. But the stimulation will ultimately subside then collapse, and the addict will seek them again.</i>" -Dr. Ty Erickson<br />
<br />
Passion separates man from the rest of earth's creatures. We seek to find and express a meaning in life.<br />
<br />
What do you really want? If you don't know what you want, you won't know which passion to feed.<br />
<br />
Is everything you are currently doing in your life an aim to fulfill the expectations of others... your parents, your religion, society, and your family? Consider the future consequences that could incur should your lack of passion for your great life persist.<br />
<br />
Be sure to look ahead to see if what you want today will lead you to what you will want tomorrow. Dig deep and look at the whole picture. Look at the present and the future. Connect with your Maker. Think about the real purpose of your life. Think about your talents, your gifts. Then decide WHAT YOU WANT. Find out what that is and pursue it with all the passion of your soul.<br />
<br />
Passion for your life is showing true gratitude to the One who gave it to you.<br />
<br />
Conversations to stimulate passion:<br />
<br />
What do you like to do most when nobody knows what you are doing? Is that your passion?<br />
<br />
If you could change the world, what would you change?<br />
<br />
If you could earn a living at anything you wanted, what would you do?<br />
<br />
Do you ever find yourself feeding the wrong passions of life?<br />
<br />
Outside of our physical relationship, what passions do we share?<br />
<br />
<br />
"<i>Nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion.</i>" -<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Georg_Wilhelm_Friedrich_Hegel" target="_blank">Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel</a><br />
<br />
----------<br />
<br />
<b>Wisdom and Wit</b><br />
<br />
A sense of humor speaks more of being capable of seeing the lighter side of the daily grind and laugh at the curves life can throw at us.<br />
<br />
Having this "sense" means you will see the lighter side of a flat tire and the seriousness of a friend's sorrow. It's a balance between wit and wisdom.<br />
<br />
An appropriate sense of humor will also never make a person an object of ridicule.<br />
<br />
A good sense of humor will keep life in perspective. Someone who is truly wise and witty recognizes that laughter is a gift from God--given to us to lighten our load, not to make light of the journey.<br />
<br />
Conversations about determining a sense of wisdom and wit:<br />
<br />
Do I take myself too seriously?<br />
<br />
Do I inappropriately laugh at the misfortune of others?<br />
<br />
Am I able to bring calm to difficult situations with my sense of humor?<br />
<br />
Am I ever too silly?<br />
<br />
Do I have a sense of perspective that allows me to be wise?<br />
<br />
<br />
"<i>A keen sense of humor helps us to overlook the unbecoming, understand the unconventional, tolerate the unpleasant, overcome the unexpected, and outlast the unbearable.</i>" -<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billy_Graham" target="_blank">Billy Graham</a><br />
<br />
----------<br />
<br />
<b>Financial Responsibility</b><br />
<br />
It isn't money or the lack of money that seems to be the problem in relationships, rather how the money is managed is the real issue: who makes the money and how; how the money is spent and on what; how much is saved; how debt is managed; and how much debt is acceptable?<br />
<br />
In a relationship, the most important element that must be added to financial responsibility is communication.<br />
<br />
Consider the law of the harvest: preparing the soil, planting the seeds, watering and cultivating, being patient, protecting, harvesting, and then storing.<br />
<br />
Preparing the soil= get educated, get smart, go to school, get trained, learn.<br />
<br />
Planting the seeds= go to work, launch your career, start your business.<br />
<br />
Watering and cultivating= work hard, work smart, excel and advance, grow your business or career, get smarter.<br />
<br />
Being patient= be patient.<br />
<br />
Protecting= get insurance, take care of your health, take care of your assets.<br />
<br />
Harvesting= get paid, collect your salary, realize a profit.<br />
<br />
Storing= save money, create equity, invest, avoid debt.<br />
<br />
For a couple to become one , they must come to a consensus on financial issues before they can really feel united in all things. They need to open the lines of communication on financial goals and procedures. The longer they wait to broach this topic, the harder it will be to come to a consensus on how they will handle money matters.<br />
<br />
Couples need to communicate with one another their priorities. When couples fail to prioritize, important matters can sometimes get neglected until a crisis occurs.<br />
<br />
Without the necessities of life, the other characteristics can dwindle in importance. It can be difficult to achieve your life's dreams without adequate funding.<br />
<br />
Conversations on financial responsibility:<br />
<br />
Do you feel I am financially responsible?<br />
<br />
Describe in detail the house, car, and lifestyle you expect to achieve in life.<br />
<br />
Do you consider yourself to be frugal or a spendthrift?<br />
<br />
Under what circumstances do you think debt is acceptable?<br />
<br />
Is there anything I do that sabotages our financial success?<br />
<br />
Do you consider yourself a hard worker?<br />
<br />
<br />
"<i>Money is neither my god nor my devil. It is a form of energy that tends to make us more of who we already are, whether it's greedy or loving.</i>" -<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dan_Millman" target="_blank">Dan Millman</a><br />
<br />
----------<br />
<br />
<b>Spirituality</b><br />
<br />
Defined- Regular church attendance. Adherence to specific religious codes of conduct and belief. Service to fellow men. Gratitude... etc.<br />
<br />
Too often people measure their spirituality by checking off compliance to a list of rules and commandments.<br />
<br />
"<i>We stand at the crossroads, each minute, each hour, each day, making choices. We choose the thoughts we allow ourselves to think, the passions we allow ourselves to feel, and the actions we allow ourselves to perform. Each choice is made in the context of whatever value system we've selected to govern our lives. In selecting that value system, we are, in a very real way, making the most important choice we will ever make.</i><br />
<i>Those who believe there is one God who made all things and who governs the world by His Providence will make many choices different from those who do not. Those who hold in reverence that Being who gave them life and worship Him through adoration, prayer, and thanksgiving will make many choices different from those who do not. Those who believe that mankind are all of a family and that the most acceptable service of God is doing good to man will make many choices different from those who do not. Those who believe in a future state in which all that is wrong here will be made right will make many choices different from those who do not. Those who subscribe to the morals of Jesus will make many choices different from those who do not.</i><br />
<i>Since the foundation of all happiness is thinking rightly, and since correct action is dependent on correct opinion, we cannot be too careful in choosing the value system we allow to govern our thoughts and actions.</i><br />
<i>And to know that God governs in the affairs of men, that he hears and answers prayers, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him, is indeed, a powerful regulator of human conduct.</i>"<br />
-<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benjamin_Franklin" target="_blank">Benjamin Franklin</a><br />
<br />
Even though spirituality may be an individual matter it becomes a greater part of life when it is shared in a relationship.<br />
<br />
Conversations on Spirituality:<br />
<br />
Do you believe in God?<br />
<br />
How do you feel when you think of Him?<br />
<br />
Does your belief play an active role in your life and decisions?<br />
<br />
Do you plan on teaching your children your beliefs?<br />
<br />
Do you think having similar beliefs is important in a close relationship?<br />
<br />
----------<br />
<br />
<b>Extraordinary and Unique</b><br />
<br />
"<i>You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.</i>" -Author Unknown<br />
<br />
A representation of one thing that makes you special, and especially interesting to another person who is attracted to your distinctive quality or qualities.<br />
<br />
What makes ME extraordinary or unique? What would I want it to be?<br />
<br />
Develop and nurture the talents and abilities that make me stand out. Work to be the best ME possible.<br />
<br />
A specific person will most likely single out only one thing they find to be especially attractive about you. Your talent or ability or gift is what causes that person to take a second look.<br />
<br />
A person may very well be drawn to your unique and extraordinary gift because their goals in life may be similar to yours. Your unique talents and virtues will help them to feel that the both of you could be happy together pursuing the same ambitions and dreams. Your responsibility is to keep these talents and virtues healthy and thriving. Do not fail to tend and nourish the abilities or characteristics that created the mutual attraction in the first place. When such things are allowed to die or stray from the forefront, it may be perceived that these attributes were not real and was merely used as a lure to encourage the relationship.<br />
<br />
When you neglect or fail to nurture the intriguing facets of your personality, it could take some of the wow out of a marriage or relationship, leading to feelings of resentment and regret. Couples should work together to keep their dreams alive.<br />
<br />
Develop the best talents and attributes that you can.<br />
<br />
Even though your talents and abilities; your gifts and virtues may be highly appreciated and loved, it does not necessarily have to be the same for both parties to enjoy the exhilaration of this characteristic. A continued interest in your partner's gifts will assure that their talent will have a place to grow and flourish.<br />
<br />
Compatible and harmonizing talents/gifts are important.<br />
<br />
Conversations on extraordinary uniqueness:<br />
<br />
What do you think your gift is?<br />
<br />
What do you think my gift is?<br />
<br />
Am I taking proper care of my gifts?<br />
<br />
Do I have more than one gift?<br />
<br />
Do you think I sufficiently appreciate and support your gifts and talents?<br />
<br />
<br />
"<i>Life is not a journey to the grave with intentions of arriving safely in a pretty well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming... WOW! What a ride!</i>" -Author Unknown<br />
<br />
"<i>When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds. Your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great, and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.</i>"<br />
-<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patanjali" target="_blank">Patanjali</a><br />
<br />
"<i>Our whole life is an attempt to discover when our spontaneity is whimsical, sentimental irresponsibility and when it is a valid expression of our deepest desires and values.</i>"<br />
-<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helen_Merrell_Lynd" target="_blank">Helen Merrell Lynd</a><br />
<br />
----------<br />
<br />
<b>Romance and Intimacy</b><br />
<br />
"<i>Romantic love reaches out in little ways, showing attention and admiration. Romantic love remembers what pleases... what excites... and what surprises... Its actions whisper: You are the most special person in my life.</i>" -<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Stanley" target="_blank">Charles Stanley</a><br />
<br />
Even though all the other characteristics discussed here are important, this is the one that makes him yours and you his--exclusively.<br />
<br />
It isn't just about gathering these characteristics into one person--filling a grocery list of desired attributes. It is also about sweeping someone off their feet--making them feel special--making them feel truly loved and cherished. This is the characteristic that ultimately must be accepted before the relationship can really take off.<br />
<br />
Romance and intimacy are not synonymous. But they do go hand in hand, with romance leading the way.<br />
<br />
Romance= the emotional aspects of togetherness; anything that stirs the heart to feelings of affection and longing; spontaneous acts of kindness, being sensitive to each other's needs, generosity, making time for each other<br />
Intimacy= the physical closeness of a couple; a wonderful celebration of all the tender moments preceding it<br />
<br />
Don't try to skip romance and go straight to intimacy, doing so misses the whole point of a relationship.<br />
<br />
True intimacy between a man and a woman begins in the heart--and romantic behavior is the manifestation of those feelings.<br />
<br />
Romance shouldn't be missed or neglected.<br />
<br />
"<i>Libido or sexual desire is a large component in the complex experience of intimate relationships. The response, however, is very different between men and women. Men tend to be more hormone-driven and interested in getting straight to intimacy. Women, on the other hand, seem to have the need for what I call the seven T's for romance:</i><br />
<i>1. Talk</i><br />
<i>2. Time</i><br />
<i>3. Touch</i><br />
<i>4. Tenderness</i><br />
<i>5. Timing</i><br />
<i>6. Trust</i><br />
<i>7. Testosterone</i><br />
<i>Women, like men, require testosterone to initiate a drive toward intimacy. Women however have a significantly smaller amount of this hormone, making romance, or the six other T's, much more important to them on both an emotional and a physical level. Failure to recognize these differences can create frustration where there should be fulfillment.</i>" -Dr. Mark Dowdle<br />
<br />
Romance is the key. Romance is the fuel for the fire of intimacy. When romance wanes, intimacy can become just another obligation--a task to cross off our to do list. When romance is ignored, couples are much more easily lured by the siren song of infidelity, which almost always snuffs out whatever flame might have remained in their intimate relationship.<br />
<br />
Don't underestimate the importance of romance in a relationship, especially after marriage. Romance keeps your love alive and will help keep the feelings and desire for intimacy as special as before.<br />
<br />
Author's list of some of her favorite acts of romance:<br />
<br />
My own pet name, meant for me and no one else.<br />
A foot rub without expecting one back.<br />
A love note in grease pencil on my mirror.<br />
Finding my favorite candy under my pillow.<br />
Our own date, just you and me, a table set for only two.<br />
Seeing you stand on the porch waving good-bye until my taillights have faded.<br />
Sitting next to me in church, holding my hand, with our children on either side of us.<br />
A midnight kiss on New Year's Eve and every night after that.<br />
<br />
Live for each other. Live exclusively for each other--becoming one.<br />
<br />
Conversations on romance and intimacy:<br />
<br />
Do you consider me to be romantic?<br />
<br />
What do you find romantic?<br />
<br />
How do you feel about "wandering eyes" in a relationship?<br />
<br />
What do the words tenderness and sensitivity mean to you?<br />
<br />
Do you think we make enough quality time for real intimacy?<br />
<br />
<br />
"<i>What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined together to strengthen each other in all labour, to minister to each other in all sorrow, to share with each other in all gladness, to be one with each other in the silent unspoken memories?</i>" -<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Eliot" target="_blank">George Eliot</a><br />
<br />
"<i>True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.</i>" -<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jason_Jordan" target="_blank">Jason Jordan</a><br />
<br />
----------<br />
<br />
<b>Considerate and Kind</b><br />
<br />
"<i>Your greatness is measured by your kindness; your education and intellect by your modesty; your ignorance by your suspicions and prejudices, and your real caliber is measured by the consideration you have for others.</i>" -Olin Miller<br />
<br />
Daily thoughtfulness, kindness, and consideration between a couple make the roads smooth, the choppy seas calm, and the difficult times seem less difficult.<br />
<br />
Being considerate is all about putting the needs and wants of others in a position of significant priority. The opportunity to show daily acts of selfless consideration can bring the greatest long-term joy.<br />
<br />
The Platinum Rule: Treat others as they would WANT to be treated.<br />
<br />
Your responsibility then is to determine what the other person really wants. No longer can you passively do unto others according to how you see it. You really need to connect with that person and be considerate of THEIR innermost thoughts and desires in order to most effectively "do unto" them.<br />
<br />
Considerate= An act of Love; gives comfort and solace, unselfishness, listens and responds and communicates appropriately, humble, forgiving, gives thoughtful gifts, empathizes, even-tempered, seeks self-improvement<br />
<br />
The more we love someone the easier it is to know what they want and need.<br />
<br />
Conversations about being considerate:<br />
<br />
What is the most considerate act you feel I ever did for you?<br />
<br />
Is there anything I do you find to be inconsiderate?<br />
<br />
Which of the above characteristics of being considerate am I lacking?<br />
<br />
Do I do anything that irritates you? How would you like me to change?<br />
<br />
If I could do anything for you right now, what would it be?<br />
<br />
"<i>True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost.</i>" -<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arthur_Ashe" target="_blank">Arthur Ashe</a><br />
<br />
"<i>Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.</i>" -<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scott_Adams" target="_blank">Scott Adams</a><br />
<br />
----------<br />
<br />
<b><i>Avoid Addictions. They and their consequences are painful and often catastrophic. Relationships and sometimes even live hang in the balance of the persistent spread of addiction and irresponsible behavior. If you have an addiction; drugs, alcohol, infidelity, pornography, gambling--get help--starve it, shoot it, get rid it any way you can.</i></b><br />
<br />
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The love and joy of Johnny and Mahana is potentially available to everyone. To obtain it, requires an offering of the eight critical character traits previously discussed. These also make it possible to sustain your relationship.<br />
<br />
The gift of one's best self is the noblest gift one can offer another person.<br />
<br />
The fear and sometimes even casual acceptance of inevitable failure are robbing modern-day Johnnys and Mahanas of the will to pursue anything beyond steady dating. Many people, particularly those still reeling from the pain of a failed marriage, doubt that another person can be trusted to bring these character traits to a long-term relationship. But if we could make this principle of individual character an easy topic to discuss and then do something about, it might allow potential partners to believe that a lasting relationship is actually possible.<br />
<br />
If you truly want to find an eight-cow partner, having eight cows of your own to bring to the relationship will make that possible. Having all your own cows in readiness will give you the confidence to pursue a serious relationship with an attitude of hope and optimism rather than one of fear and pessimism.<br />
<br />
Possessing individual character has been championed as one of the most worthwhile pursuits of men and women. Many philosophies teach that such a pursuit is important because your character may be the only thing you can take with you into the next life, as well as our relationships.<br />
<br />
How to actually go about getting these character traits: a strong desire, serious honesty; observing the lives of great men and women--the things they have done and the behavior they have demonstrated. Know what you need to do to become a person of good character. It's a matter of the spiritual man overcoming or dominating the natural man and his tendencies.<br />
<br />
Some people describe the process of obtaining character as an arduous task requiring great thought and introspection. But its not that complicated. To gain character, it may be as simple as engaging in the regular exercise of choosing conscience over will. Follow your conscience and build the muscles of your character.<br />
<br />
<br />
I took more notes than I thought I would on this one! I LOVED this book! </div>
Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311589296318405987.post-64251489999595510792014-03-25T16:09:00.004-06:002014-03-25T16:09:43.449-06:00How to Win Friends and Influence People: Part 4- Be A Leader<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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This last segment in Dale Carnegie's literary masterpiece comprises ideas and conclusions to act upon regarding how to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment. I must admit, my personal copy of this work is becoming quite distressed... as sign that the book is being carried, read, and treasured. It's a pity more books aren't receiving this rare form of attention and admiration. Think of all the unloved books stacking up on shelves and in corners of bookstores/libraries! What is this world coming to? Since I began this project I can't even begin to tell you how many incompetent fools have no idea who Dale Carnegie was nor about this book that sold over 15 million copies while in its readership prime!<br />
<br />
I'll jump down from my soap box for a minute, but rest assured... this conversation is bound to be addressed again in the near future!<br />
<br />
Mr. Carnegie begins his final exploration to excellence and influence by addressing how, if we must find fault, this is the way to begin:<br />
<br />
<i>It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things <b>after</b> we have heard some praise of our good points.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain is pain-killing. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<b>Principle 1: <i>Begin with praise and honest appreciation.</i></b><br />
<i><br /></i>
----------<br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Calling attention to one's mistakes indirectly works wonders with sensitive people who may resent bitterly any direct criticism.</i><br />
<br />
<b>Principle 2: <i>Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
----------<br />
<br />
<i>If a few sentences humbling oneself and praising the other party can turn a haughty, insulted individual into a staunch friend, imagine what humility and praise can do for you and me in our daily contacts. Rightfully used, they will work veritable miracles in human relations. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<b>Principle 3: <i>Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
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<br />
<b>Principle 4: <i>Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
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<br />
<i>Letting one save face! How important, how vitally important that is! And how few of us ever stop to think of it! We roughshod over the feelings of others, getting our own way, finding fault, issuing threats, criticizing a child or an employee in front of others, without even considering the hurt to the other person's pride. Whereas a few minutes' thought, a considerate word or two, a genuine understanding of the other person's attitude, would go so far toward alleviating the sting!</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Even if we are right and the other person is definitely wrong, we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
"<i>I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.</i>"<br />
-<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antoine_de_Saint-Exupery" target="_blank">Antoine de Saint-Exupery</a><br />
<br />
<b>Principle 5: <i>Let the other person save face.</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
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<br />
"<i>Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower a grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunshine of praise.</i>" -Jess Lair, <u><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Aint-Much-Baby-But-All-Ive/dp/034546821X" target="_blank">I Ain't Much, Baby--But I'm All I Got</a></u><br />
<u><br /></u>
Dale Carnegie retold this story of how praise changed someone's entire future...<br />
<br />
<i>In the early nineteenth century, a young man in London aspired to be a writer. But everything seemed to be against him. He had never been able to attend school more than four years. His father had been flung in jail because he couldn't pay his debts, and this young man often knew the pangs of hunger. Finally, he got a job pasting labels on bottles of blacking in a rat-infested warehouse, and he slept at night in a dismal attic room with two other boys--guttersnipes from the slums of London. He had so little confidence in his ability to write that he sneaked out and mailed his first manuscript in the dead of night so nobody would laugh at him. Story after story was refused. Finally the great day came when one was accepted. True, he wasn't paid a shilling for it, but one editor had praised him. One editor had given him recognition. He was so thrilled that he wandered aimlessly around the streets with tears rolling down his cheeks.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>The praise, the recognition, that he received through getting one story in print, changed his whole life, for if it hadn't been for that encouragement, he might have spent his entire life working in rat-infested factories. You may have heard of that boy. His name was <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Dickens" target="_blank">Charles Dickens</a>.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Similar stories are told of great history influences, leaders, and business people like <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enrico_Caruso" target="_blank">Enrico Caruso</a> and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H.G._Wells" target="_blank">H.G. Wells</a>.<br />
<br />
I particularly enjoyed the report of a Mr. John Ringelspaugh in communicating with his children. I figure that if a form of such communication would be acted upon an utilized on a regular basis there would be guaranteed less frustrated parents and fewer insubordinate youth.<br />
<br />
"<i>We decided to try praise instead of harping on their faults. It wasn't easy when all we could see were the negative things they were doing; it was really tough to find things to praise. Wee managed to find something, and within the first day or two some of the really upsetting things they were doing quit happening. Then some of their other faults began to disappear. They began capitalizing on the praise we were giving to them. They even began going out of their way to do things right. Neither of us could believe it. Of course, it didn't last forever, but the norm reached after things leveled off was so much better. It was no longer necessary to react the way we used to. The children were doing far more right things than wrong ones.</i>"<br />
<br />
<i>Everybody likes to be praise, but when praise is specific, it comes across as sincere--not something the other person may be saying just to make one feel good.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i><b>Talk about changing people. If you and I will inspire the people with whom we come in contact to a realization of the hidden treasures they possess, we can do far more than change people. We can literally transform them.</b></i><br />
<br />
"<i>Compared with what we ought to be, we are only half awake. We are making use of only a small part of our physical and mental resources. Stating the things broadly, the human individual thus lives far within his limits. He possesses powers of various sorts which he habitually fails to use.</i>"<br />
-<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_James" target="_blank">William James</a><br />
<br />
<b>Principle 6: <i>Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
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<br />
<b>Principle 7: <i>Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
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<br />
<b>Principle 8: <i>Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
----------<br />
<i style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></i>
<i>Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.</i><br />
<i style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></i>
<i>The effective leader should keep the following guidelines in mind when it is necessary to change attitudes or behavior:</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>1. Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person.</i><br />
<i>2. Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.</i><br />
<i>3. Be empathetic. Ask yourself what it is the other person really wants.</i><br />
<i>4. Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.</i><br />
<i>5. Match those benefits to the other person's wants.</i><br />
<i>6. When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit. Instead of giving a curt order, we could express the same idea by showing the benefits they will get from doing the task.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<b>Principle 9: <i>Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
----------<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>In A Nutshell... How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment:</b></div>
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<b><br /></b></div>
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<b><br /></b>
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<b>Be a Leader</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>A leader's job often includes changing your people's attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:</i></b></div>
<b><i><br /></i></b>
<b><i>Begin with praise and honest appreciation.</i></b><br />
<b><i>Call attention to peoples mistakes indirectly.</i></b><br />
<b><i>Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.</i></b><br />
<b><i>Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.</i></b><br />
<b><i>Let the other person save face.</i></b><br />
<b><i>Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.</i></b><br />
<b><i>Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.</i></b><br />
<b><i>Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.</i></b><br />
<b><i>Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.</i></b><br />
<br /></div>
Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311589296318405987.post-23280609816092996172014-03-22T12:01:00.001-06:002014-03-22T12:01:56.467-06:00How to Win Friends and Influence People: Part 3- How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I didn't particularly like how I broke up the last segment of my reading. I think it got a little monotonous and boring. So my new approach is going to be me compiling an overview of this entire segment, even though there are 12 principles associated with Part 3 of this well written piece of literature.<br />
<br />
So, we start this snooze of a review by discussing why its important to remember, we can't win an argument... not if we want to win people over to our way of thinking and ultimately gain friendship and influence! A foreign concept to those who might argue at the professional level as lawyers and public defenders.<br />
<br />
Dale Carnegie writes of a resolute conclusion about how there is <i>only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument--and that is to avoid it. Avoid it as you would rattlesnakes and earthquakes.</i><br />
<br />
"<i>If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent's good will.</i>" -<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benjamin_Franklin" target="_blank">Benjamin Franklin</a><br />
<br />
<i> </i><br />
"<i>Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love.</i>" -<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddha" target="_blank">Buddha</a><br />
<br />
"<i>No man who is resolved to make the most of himself can spare time for personal contention. Still less can he afford to take the consequences, including the vitiation of his temper and the loss of self-control. Yield larger things to which you show no more than equal rights; and yield lesser ones though clearly your own. Better give your path to a dog than be bitten by him in contesting for the right. Even killing the dog would not cure the bite.</i>" -<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abraham_Lincoln" target="_blank">Abraham Lincoln</a><br />
<br />
Some suggestions on how to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument:<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><i>Welcome the disagreement.</i></li>
<li><i>Distrust your first instinctive impression.</i></li>
<li><i>Control your temper.</i></li>
<li><i>Listen first.</i></li>
<li><i>Look for areas of agreement.</i></li>
<li><i>Be honest.</i></li>
<li><i>Promise to think over your opponents' ideas and study them carefully.</i></li>
<li><i>Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest.</i></li>
<li><i>Postpone action to tie both sides time to think through the problem.</i></li>
</ul>
<div>
<b>Principle 1: <i>The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.</i></b></div>
<div>
<i><br /></i>
<i>----------</i><i><br /></i><br />
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
According to Mr. Carnegie, there is a sure way of making enemies and he knows how you can avoid it.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>You can tell people they are wrong by a look o an intonation or a gesture just as eloquently as you can in words--and if you tell them they are wrong, do you make them want to agree with you? Never! For you have struck a direct blow at their intelligence, judgement, pride and self-respect.</i></div>
<div>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
<i>If you are going to prove anything, don't let anybody know about it. Do it so subtly, so adroitly, that no one will feel that you are doing it. </i></div>
<div>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
"<i>Men must be taught as if you taught them not And things unknown proposed as things forgot.</i>"</div>
<div>
-<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_Pope" target="_blank">Alexander Pope</a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"<i>You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself." -</i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Galileo" target="_blank">Galileo</a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"<i>Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so.</i>" -<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lord_Chesterfield" target="_blank">Lord Chesterfield</a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"<i>One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing.</i>" -<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socrates" target="_blank">Socrates</a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Showing respect for all and treating them diplomatically and courteously.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"<i>I have found it of enormous value when I can permit myself to understand the other person. The way in which I have worded this statement may seem strange to you. Is it necessary to permit oneself to understand another? I think it is. Our first reaction to most of the statements (which we hear from other people) is an evaluation or judgement, rather than an understanding of it. When someone expresses some feeling, attitude or belief, our tendency is to almost immediately feel 'that's right,' or 'that's stupid,' 'that's abnormal,' 'that's unreasonable,' 'that's incorrect,' 'that's not nice.' Very rarely do we permit ourselves to UNDERSTAND precisely what the meaning of the statement is to the other person." </i></div>
<div>
-<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carl_Rodgers" target="_blank">Carl Rodgers</a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"<i>Be diplomatic. It will help you gain your point.</i>" -King Akhitoi, Egypt</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>Principle 2: <i>Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."</i></b><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>----------</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Another captivating idea occurs in the words of Mr. Carnegie, when he simply states, "<i>If you're wrong, admit it.</i>"<br />
<br />
<i>When we are right, let's try to win people gently and tactfully to our way of thinking, and when we are wrong--and that will be surprisingly often, if we are honest with ourselves--let's admit our mistakes quickly and with enthusiasm. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected." </i>-Old Proverb<br />
<br />
<b>Principle 3: <i>If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.</i></b><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>----------</i><br />
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
"<i>If you come at me with your fists doubled, I think I can promise you that mine will double as fast as yours; but if you come to me and say, 'Let us sit down and take counsel together, and, if we differ from each other, understand why it is that we differ, just what the points at issue are,' we will presently find that we are not so far apart after all, that the points on which we differ are few and the points on which we agree are many, and that if we only have the patience and the candor and the desire to get together, we will get together.</i>" -<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Woodrow_Wilson" target="_blank">Woodrow Wilson</a><br />
<br />
"<i>If a man's heart is rankling with discord and ill feeling toward you, you can't win him to your way of thinking with all the logic in Christendom. Scolding parents and domineering bosses and husbands and nagging wives ought to realize that people don't want to change their minds. They can't be forced or driven to agree with you or me. But they may possibly be led to, if we are gentle and friendly, ever so gentle and ever so friendly.</i>" -Abraham Lincoln<br />
<br />
"<i>It is an old and true maxim that 'a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.' So with men, if you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend. Therein is a drop of honey that catches his heart; which, say what you will, is the great high road to his reason.</i>" -Abraham Lincoln<br />
<br />
That second notion from President Lincoln is an intriguing one. I think it applies to so many basic aspects of relationships. Even those looking for the romantic side of lasting love and marriage. Say your cause is a happy and lasting marriage with someone.... you must first convince your spouse that you are their sincerest and dearest friend. The question is then posed: what defines friendship? How would/does one express that side of love to another?<br />
<br />
There have to be practically a million or so quotes and ideas on the very subject of friendship and even love. We should each be striving to be what these words express:<br />
<br />
"<i>A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities.</i>" -<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Arthur_Ward" target="_blank">William Arthur Ward</a><br />
<br />
"<i>When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate, and do it.</i>" -Edward W. Howe<br />
<br />
<b>Principle 4: <i>Begin in a friendly way.</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
----------<br />
<br />
Dale Carnegie's advise on winning people over to your way of thinking is indeed genuine and a successful tactic to consider and implement...<br />
<i>In talking with people, don't begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing--and keep on emphasizing--the things on which you agree. Keep emphasizing, if possible, that you are both striving for the same end and your only difference is one of method and not of purpose. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>*</i>Get the Person to say Yes X 2.<br />
<br />
Here is a brief history lesson on the value of Socrates to the world at large:<br />
<br />
<i>Socrates, "the gadfly of Athens," was one of the greatest philosophers the world has ever known. He did something that only a handful of men in all history have been able to do: he sharply changed the whole course of human thought; and now, twenty-four centuries after his death, he is honored as one of the wisest persuaders who ever influenced this wrangling world.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>His method? Did he tell people they were wrong? Oh, no, not Socrates. He is far too adroit for that. His whole technique, now called the "Socratic Method", was based upon getting a "yes, yes" response. He asked questions with which his opponent would have to agree. He kept on winning one admission after another until he had an armful of yeses. He kept on asking questions until finally, almost without realizing it, his opponents found themselves embracing a conclusion they would have bitterly denied a few minutes previously. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<b>Principle 5: <i>Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
----------<br />
<br />
<i>Most people trying to win others to their way of thinking do too much talking themselves. Let the other people talk themselves out. They know more about their business and problems than you do. So ask them questions. Let them tell you a few things.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>If you disagree with them you may be tempted to interrupt. But don't. It is dangerous. They won't pay attention to you while they still have a lot of ideas of their own crying for expression. So listen patiently and with an open mind. Be sincere about it. Encourage them to express their ideas fully.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<b>Principle 6: <i>Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
----------<br />
<br />
In order to gain cooperation, it could prove to be a wise investment to pose suggestions and then let the other person think out the conclusion.<br />
<br />
A lot of successful businesses are now utilizing the tactic of asking colleagues and subordinates exactly what they expect of their leaders and peers. It wouldn't seem too far fetched to handle romantic relationships in the same way. I can only imagine how much stronger marriage relations would be if both partners took the time to discuss what the other spouse's expectations for them and also what the other can expect to produce; write them down and apply them daily.<br />
<br />
<i>No one likes to feel that he or she is being sold something or told to do a thing. We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or acting on our own ideas. We like to be consulted about our wishes, our wants, our thoughts.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
*Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.<br />
<br />
"<i>In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty.</i>" -<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ralph_Waldo_Emerson" target="_blank">Ralph Waldo Emerson</a><br />
<br />
"<i>The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them. Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams. So the sage, wishing to be above men, putteth himself below them; wishing to be before them, he putteth himself behind them. Thus, though his place be above men, they do not feel his weight; though his place be before them, they do not count it an injury.</i>" -<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lao-tse" target="_blank">Lao-tse</a><br />
<br />
<b>Principle 7: <i>Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
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<i>Remember that other people may be totally wrong. But they don't think so. Don't condemn them. Any fool can do that. Try to understand them. Only wise, tolerant, exceptional people even try to do that.</i><br />
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<i>There is a reason why the other man thinks and acts as he does. Ferret out that reason--and you have the key to his actions, perhaps to his personality.</i><br />
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<i>By becoming interested in the cause, we are less likely to dislike the effect.</i><br />
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"<i>Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person's ideas and feelings as important as your own. Starting your conversation by giving the other person the purpose or direction of your conversation, governing what you say by what you would want to hear if you were the listener, and accepting his or her viewpoint will encourage the listener to have an open mind to your ideas.</i>" -Dr. Gerald S. Nirenberg, <u>Getting Through to People</u><br />
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<i>If, as a result of reading this book, you get only one thing--an increased tendency to think always in terms of the other person's point of view, and see things from that person's angle as well as your own--if you get only that one thing from this book, it may easily prove to be one of the stepping stones of your career. </i><br />
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<b>Principle 8: <i>Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.</i></b><br />
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<i>Three fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.</i><br />
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"<i>Sympathy the human species universally craves. The child eagerly displays his injury; or even inflicts a cut or bruise in order to reap abundant sympathy. For the same purpose adults... show their bruises, relate their accidents, illness, especially details of surgical operations. 'Self-pity' for misfortunes real or imaginary is, in some measure, practically a universal practice.</i>" -Dr. Arthur I. Gates, <u>Educational Psychology</u><br />
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<b>Principle 9: <i>Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.</i></b><br />
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<b>Principle 10: <i>Appeal to the nobler motives.</i></b><br />
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<i>Merely stating a truth isn't enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic.</i><br />
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<b>Principle 11: <i>Dramatize your ideas.</i></b><br />
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"<i>The way to get things done, is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in a sordid, money-getting way, but in the desire to excel.</i>" -<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Schwab" target="_blank">Charles Schwab</a><br />
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"<i>All men have fears, but the brave put down their fears and go forward, sometimes to death, but always to victory.</i>" -Ancient Grecian Motto<br />
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"<i>I have never found that pay and pay alone would either bring together or hold good people. I think it was the game itself</i>" -Harvey S. Firestone<br />
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Every successful person loves the game. It tends to be a chance for self-expression and to prove their worth. They aim to win and to excel. It is a desire for a feeling of importance.<br />
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<b>Principle 12: <i>Throw down a challenge.</i></b><br />
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<b>In a Nutshell... To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking:</b><br />
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<b><i>The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.</i></b><br />
<b><i>Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're Wrong."</i></b><br />
<b><i>If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.</i></b><br />
<b><i>Begin in a friendly way.</i></b><br />
<b><i>Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.</i></b><br />
<b><i>Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.</i></b><br />
<b><i>Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.</i></b><br />
<b><i>Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.</i></b><br />
<b><i>Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.</i></b><br />
<b><i>Appeal to the nobler motives.</i></b><br />
<b><i>Dramatize your ideas.</i></b><br />
<b><i>Throw down a challenge.</i></b><br />
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Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311589296318405987.post-48350603537241432032014-02-07T16:09:00.002-07:002014-02-07T16:09:31.887-07:00How to Win Friends and Influence People: Part 2- Six Ways to Make People Like You <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Forgot to give a re-cap of these IMPORTANT principles in a nutshell...<br />
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Principle 1- Become genuinely interested in other people. <br />
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Principle 2- Smile.<br />
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Principle 3- Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.<br />
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Principle 4- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.<br />
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Principle 5- Talk in terms of the other person's interests.<br />
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Principle 6- Make the other person feel important--and do it sincerely.<br />
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And THAT people, is how you make people like you.</div>
Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311589296318405987.post-80754581997220549212014-02-06T23:28:00.003-07:002014-02-06T23:28:24.481-07:00How to Win Friends and Influence People: Part 2- Six Ways to Make People Like You "Make the Other Person Feel Important"<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
We shouldn't be motivated solely by what we could potentially get out of our interaction with others.<br />
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<i>If we are so contemptibly selfish that we can't radiate a little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciation without trying to get something out of the other person in return--if our souls are no bigger than sour crab apples, we shall meet with the failure we so richly deserve.</i><br />
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We should be desiring something priceless from the majority of our interpersonal communications. We should be wanting the feeling that we can do something for someone else without them being able to do anything whatever in return for us.<br />
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The all important law of relationships; that law taught by philosophers and religious leaders since the world began, "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you", is not a new concept and is the only precept that rings true and consistently successful in promoting good will amongst the human race. Think about what the other person might want, need, feel…. for undoubtedly it is something you also crave; approval, recognition of your true worth, a feeling of importance, sincere appreciation. This is something we should be seeking to do ALL THE TIME. Its a matter of respect.<br />
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<i>Litte phrases such as, "I'm sorry to trouble you," "Would you be so kind as to______?" "Won't you please?" "Would you mind?" "Thank you"-- little courtesies like these oil the cogs of the monotonous grind of everyday life--and, incidentally, they are the hallmark of good breeding.</i><br />
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Principle 6: <i>Make the other person feel important--and do it sincerely.</i><br />
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Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311589296318405987.post-65283524165296701932014-02-05T21:55:00.001-07:002014-02-05T21:55:33.979-07:00How to Win Friends and Influence People: Part 2- Six Ways to Make People Like You "Talk In Terms of the Other Person's Interests"<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<i>How to Interest People…</i><div>
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<i>The royal road to a person's heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most.</i></div>
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According to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Lyon_Phelps" target="_blank">William Lyon Phelps</a>, Essayist and Professor of Literature at <a href="http://www.yale.edu/" target="_blank">Yale University</a>, a lady or gentleman recognizes the interest of their audience. The will talk about the things he or she knows will interest and please them. They make themselves agreeable.</div>
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Could it be too difficult to consider myself undertaking the trouble to find out just what the people I'm attempting to influence on a daily basis, are interested in, and what they enjoy talking about?</div>
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Again, this brings me to reflect on principles taught in Preach My Gospel. Though it be a handbook for missionary work and the service they render, I am a firm believer that such teachings are ever so applicable in other areas of our earthy existence.</div>
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<a href="http://www.lds.org/manual/preach-my-gospel-a-guide-to-missionary-service/how-do-i-find-people-to-teach?lang=eng" target="_blank">Chapter 9 in Preach My Gospel</a>, discusses the skills one should seek to develop of find people to teach about the message of the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. If I want to "find people" to win over as my friends and influence for both their betterment and mine, then I would to well to consider this concept; <i>Nothing happens in missionary work until you find someone to teach. Talk with as many people as you can each day </i>(The more people I talk with, the more possibilities I create in winning friends to influence). <i>It is natural to be somewhat apprehensive about talking to people, but you can pray for the faith and strength to be more bold in opening your mouth to proclaim the restored gospel </i>(I like the idea of acting bold by reaching out to communicate with people we do not yet have an association with. Success cannot come without some sort of risk; great or small). <i>Try applying the following ideas as you seek to talk with everyone you meet:</i></div>
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<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><i>Talke to people about their families. </i></li>
<li><i>Look for clues--such as items in homes or yards, lettering on clothing, or indications of children--to help you know how to begin talking with people.</i></li>
<li><i>Listen sincerely to what people say to you.</i></li>
<li><i>Be warm, friendly, and cheerful. Offer to help.</i></li>
<li><i>Trust the Spirit to put into you heart and mind what to teach. </i>(Trust in your intuition that you will know what to share or discuss)</li>
<li><i>Invite everyone to learn about the restored gospel. </i>(Invite everyone to converse with you)</li>
<li><i>Offer pass-along cards. </i>(Offer your business card or greetings)</li>
<li><i>Ask for the names of people's acquaintances who might be interested in your message.</i></li>
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I think its important to re-cap what has already been illustrated in previous chapters in this piece of literature compiled by Dale Carnegie. That being, human beings thrive on personal gratification, recognition and stimulation. To be effective in "winning over their support; their interest in us, and in turn influencing them to our way of thinking, we must be willing to cater in part to that animal desire to feel important and valued. In the case of this chapter's teachings… talk about what they like, love and hold dear.</div>
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Principle 5: <i>Talk in Terms of the Other Person's Interests.</i></div>
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Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311589296318405987.post-66357595863017080912014-02-04T16:46:00.003-07:002014-02-04T16:46:30.216-07:00How to Win Friends and Influence People: Part 2- Six Ways to Make People Like You "Be a Good Listener"<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://www.dalecarnegie.com/" target="_blank">Dale Carnegie</a> recommends an easy way to become a good conversationalist; to listen intently and listen because you are genuinely interested. This kind of listening is one of the highest compliments we can pay anyone.<br />
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"<i>Few human beings are proof against the implied flattery of rapt attention.</i>" -<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Woodford" target="_blank">Jack Woodford</a> in <b><i>Strangers in Love</i></b><br />
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"<i>There is no mystery about successful business intercourse… exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important. Nothing else is so flattering as that.</i>" -<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_William_Eliot" target="_blank">Charles W. Elliot</a>, former President of Harvard University<br />
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When one of America's great novelists, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_James" target="_blank">Henry James</a>, recalled Mr. Elliot as a past master of the art of listening, he elaborated: "<i>Dr. Elliot's listening was not mere silence, but a form of activity. Sitting very erect on the end of his spine with hands joined in his lap, making no movement except that he revolved his thumbs around each other faster or slower, he faced his interlocutor and seemed to be hearing with his eyes as well as his ears. He listened with his mind and attentively considered what you had to say while you said it… At the end of an interview the person who had talked to him felt that he had had his say.</i>"<br />
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This reminds me of a section in <a href="http://www.lds.org/manual/preach-my-gospel-a-guide-to-missionary-service/how-can-i-improve-my-teaching-skills?lang=eng" target="_blank">Chapter 10 in Preach My Gospel</a>. The chapter is entitled, Teaching Skills and the sub-category I'm referencing, <b>Listen</b> on page 185. In my own study and application of interpersonal communication and what listening entails, I've gleaned the knowledge that there are actually 3 types of listening one must engage in to fully interact with other human beings.<br />
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1. Physical Listening- <i>When you listen to others, you understand them better. When they know that their thoughts and feelings are important to you, they are more likely to be receptive to your teachings, share personal experiences, and make commitments. As you listen, you will be able to more effectively adapt your teaching to their needs and interests. </i>This statement rings true not just for a missionary. But who wish to positively influence others and win lasting friendships. Physically showing an interesting others, offers them the opportunity to trust you with information about their life; past experiences, current events, and future dreams and aspirations. Obtaining this knowledge, enables the listener to find ways to meet that person's needs and in some cases, also meet their own needs, whether it be personal or professional.<br />
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2. Spiritual Listening- <i>Especially listen for the whisperings of the Spirit. As other share their feelings with you, thoughts or ideas may enter your mind that are directed by the Spirit. You will also be able to understand what others are trying to express. </i><br />
<i>While others talk to you, avoid the tendency to think about what you are going to say. Make sure you are really concentrating on the person speaking rather than planning your response.</i><br />
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<i>"More important than speaking is listening. These people are not lifeless objects disguised as a baptismal statistic. They are children of God, our brothers and sisters, and they need what we have. Be genuine. Reach out sincerely. Ask these friends what matters most to <b>them</b>. What do <b>they </b>cherish, and what do <b>they </b>hold dear? And then listen. If the setting is right, you might ask what their fears are, what they yearn for, or what they feel is missing in their lives. I promise you that <b>something</b> in what they say will <b>always</b> highlights truth of the gospel about which you can bear testimony and about which you can then offer more… If we listen with love, we won't need to wonder what to say. It will be given to us--by the Spirit and by our friends." </i>-<a href="http://www.lds.org/church/leader/jeffrey-r-holland?lang=eng" target="_blank">Elder Jeffrey R. Holland</a><br />
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The application of these words from Elder Holland is best in correspondence with not just missionary labors and efforts, but in all aspects of effective communication. People we interact with should be viewed as more than just a statistic for our temporal gain, whatever our end goal might be. We MUST listen with love. Love should be our first priority in ever endeavor we seek to pursue.<br />
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3. Body Language; Soul Listening- <i>People also communicate but the way they sit, their facial expressions, what they do with their hands, their tone of voice, and the movements of their eyes. Observe these unspoken messages; they can help you understand the feelings of those you teach. Also be aware of your own body language. Send a message of interest and enthusiasm by listening sincerely. Don't be afraid of silence. People often need tim to think about and reply to questions or to express what they are feeling. You might pause after you have asked a question, after sharing a spiritual experience, or when people are having difficulty expressing themselves. Be sure to give people time to complete their thoughts before you respond, and do not interrupt while they are talking. </i><br />
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I enjoyed the story Mr. Carnegie shared in this chapter about how important effective listening is not just in the workforce, but also in the home:<br />
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<i>Millie Esposito of Croton-on-Hudson, New York, made it her business to listen carefully when one of her children wanted to speak with her. One evening she was sitting in the kitchen with her son, Robert, and after a brief discussion of something that was on his mind, Robert said: "Mom, I know that you love me very much." </i><br />
<i>Mrs. Esposito was very touched and said: "Of course I love you very much. Did you doubt it?"</i><br />
<i>Robert responded: "No, but I really know you love me because whenever I want to talk to you about something you stop whatever you are doing and listen to me."</i><br />
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"<i>Those people who think only of themselves are hopelessly uneducated. They are not educated, no matter how instructed they may be." </i>-Dr. Nicholas Murray Butler, President of Columbia University<br />
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I personally don't think its a difficult concept to understand here. If I want people to not only respect me and my person, but if I also want to experience success in my personal relationships and my professional career path, I need to apply this principle almost more than any other. LISTENING is an active ingredient in the recipe for success, happiness, friendships, income, etc. Because in fact, listening is an act of high power. It is an act of love, it is an act of… God. It is the ability to listen fully to someone else and their needs, interests, fears, concerns…. that we in turn gain the ability to improve and experience wealth, favor and success.<br />
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Principle 4: <i>Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. </i></div>
Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311589296318405987.post-60913827129931785322014-01-30T19:03:00.003-07:002014-01-30T19:03:56.579-07:00How to Win Friends and Influence People: Part 2- Six Ways to Make People Like You "Rememebr Their Name"<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
What's in a name? Is mine of value to me? What do I feel when another person says my name? In like manner of thought, what is someone else's name in value to them? And how do they feel when I say their name? <br />
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Those questions being posed, perhaps we can glean impeccable insight into just how important it is to learn and remember the names of those we associate with, even if that association lasts but a minute. For it is in such attention to detail of an individual that one might obtain success, higher social stations and respect in this short life. Could it be that this simple act of calling another by his or her name is a step towards a higher path and power of influence? Dale Carnegie would easily argue that it is. His ample stories of great leaders and historical influences suggests just such tact.<br />
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Consider the greatest leader recognized by religions the world over, even the great God, whatever name you give him, and how He knows each of the earth's inhabitants by name. <a href="http://www.lds.org/new-era/2004/09/elder-neal-a-maxwell-a-devoted-life?lang=eng" target="_blank">Elder Neal A. Maxwell</a> once stated: "<i>I testify to you that God has known you individually... for a long, long time (see <a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/93?lang=eng" target="_blank">D&C 93:23</a>). He has loved you for a long, long time. He not only knows the names of all the stars (see <a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/ps/147?lang=eng" target="_blank">Psalm 147:4</a>; <a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/isa/40?lang=eng" target="_blank">Isaiah 40:26</a>); He knows your names and all your heartaches and your joys!"</i><br />
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What impact does being called by our individual names actually place on us? Just that- a justification that in a world filled with millions upon millions and that for a moment, we stand out as an individual, not just a number. To be known on a personal level; recognized by a label that has been individualized, not simply categorized by a vast generalization by genus or species. I.E., I am not just ANY <i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human" target="_blank">Homo sapien</a>, </i>I am one who's ancestral history indicated my physical structure, my mannerisms, my social norms, my religion, and partially determined what I would be called by to differentiate me from the world. <br />
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Broken down in like manner, we come to the understated conclusion of the importance of names to an individual and that <i>the importance of remembering and using names is not just the prerogative of kings and corporate executives. It works for all of us. </i><br />
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Mr. Carnegie emphasizes that <i>we should be aware of the magic contained in a name and realize that this single item is wholly and completely owned by the person with whom we are dealing... and nobody else. The name sets the individual apart; it makes him or her unique among all others. The information we are imparting or the request we are making takes on a special importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual. From the waitress to the senior executive, the name will work magic as we deal with others. </i><br />
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Principle 3: <i>"Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language." </i> <i> </i></div>
Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311589296318405987.post-1554605713078293762014-01-28T17:58:00.000-07:002014-01-28T17:58:25.504-07:00How to Win Friends and Influence People: Part 2- Six Ways to Make People Like You "Smile"<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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We are taught from before the time we begin to understand language, to smile. And we come to learn also, that it is is simple way to make a good first impression. Good thing my parents spent thousands of green to make these pearly whites of mine worth the impression to give! Praise God for orthodontists! <i>The expression one wears one one's face is far more important than the clothes one wears on one's back.</i><br />
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<i>"People who smile tend to manage, teach and sell more effectively, and to raise happier children. There's far more information in a smile than a frown. That's why encouragement is a much more effective teaching device than punishment." </i>-<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_V._McConnell" target="_blank">Prof. James V. McConnell</a>, University of Michigan<br />
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A smile is an indicative act of pleasure, joy, fun, excitement, and lack of judgement. With that basic observation, its no wonder that <i>people rarely succeed at anything unless they have fun doing it. You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you.</i><br />
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<i>You don't like smiling? Then what? Two things. First, force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy. </i><br />
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I really like that... "act as if you were already happy..." It reminds me, as so many things do, of the time I spent in full time missionary service for my church. Particularly, it reminds me of a handful of conversations then and now after over the years of since my return home with my mission president, James Beck. He often asks, "Sister Marstella, are you happy?" If I don't have an answer right away, I start to question my life and its current motives. With this theology of me acting as if I am already happy, I could always answer yes in the future, because acting is in this case, a course to becoming.<br />
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<i>"Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not. Thus the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness, if our cheerfulness be lost, is to sit up cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there..." </i>-<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_James" target="_blank">William James</a>, Psychologist and Philosopher<br />
<br />
Its too difficult to paraphrase what has already been written and taught so well by Mr. Carnegie. The truth of his words about how one creates and maintains happiness must be shared:<br />
<br />
<i>Everybody in the world is seeking happiness--and there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesn't depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions. </i><br />
<i>It isn't what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.</i><br />
<br />
<i>"There is nothing either good or bad. But thinking makes it so." </i>-<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Shakespeare" target="_blank">William Shakesphere</a><br />
<i> </i><br />
<i>"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." </i>-<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abraham_Lincoln" target="_blank">Abraham Lincoln</a><br />
<br />
<i>"We become like that on which our hearts are fixed... We are gods in chrysalis." </i>-<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elbert_Hubbard" target="_blank">Elbert Hubbard</a>, Essayist and Publisher<br />
<br />
SMILE- Spiritually Minded is Life Eternal (<a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/9?lang=eng" target="_blank">2 Nephi 9:39</a>)</div>
Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311589296318405987.post-59137396792120152072014-01-24T17:09:00.001-07:002014-01-24T17:09:28.663-07:00How to Win Friends and Influence People: Part 2- Six Ways to Make People Like You "Become Genuinely Interested in Other People"<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Dale Carnegie begins his teachings of this segment by encouraging us to treat others as man's best friend does.<i> </i>He includes the thought that <i>you can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. </i><br />
<br />
What a concept! If only every person the world over was driven by this logic! <b><i>You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. </i></b><br />
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I also like how direct Mr. Carnegie states, "<i>If we merely try to impress people and get people interested in us, we will never have many true, sincere friends. Friends, real friends, are not made that way."</i><br />
<br />
"<i>It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring." </i>-<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfred_Adler" target="_blank">Alfred Adler</a>, Viennese Psychologist<br />
<br />
As I read this chapter or enlightened knowledge, so pointedly instructing and factual, I can't help but relate it to the teachings of the world's greatest teacher, who said: "Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so for them." (King James Bible- <a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/7.12?lang=eng" target="_blank">Matthew 7:12</a><i>) </i>In other words, if you want to be treated with respect, admiration and acknowledgement for your good works, achievements and fruits of your labor, do so first to those you interact with and the response will be the same in your favor.<br />
<br />
<i>If we want to make friends, let's put ourselves out to do things for other people--things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness... if we want to make friends, let's greet people with animation and enthusiasm.</i> I'm brought to a consideration of how it felt to be greeted by my friends in the Polynesian culture. It may not be animated or enthusiastic in the way a some might perceive. But in a very real sense, that animation of joy and the enthusiasm of greeting those they care for is genuine. A typical greeting is in the form of a hug and/or a kiss on the cheek. They bring you into their "ohana" each time. What a novel thought, that all cultures and people should try to emulate. One might ponder upon how welcome and how appreciated others would feel if such an action were mainstream.<i> </i>Which leads me to Mr. Carnegie's next thought:<br />
<br />
<i>A show of interest, as with every other principle of human relations, must be sincere. It must pay off not only for the person showing the interest, but for the person receiving the attention. It is a two-way street--both parties benefit.</i><br />
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</div>
Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311589296318405987.post-67868323817294592382014-01-13T21:54:00.002-07:002014-01-13T21:54:44.370-07:00How to Win Friends and Influence People- Arouse in the Other Person an Eager Want<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<i>"He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way"</i><br />
<br />
It is my personal belief that the key to making relationships of any kind work in the most pleasant of manner, is to put thoughts of self aside and think first and always primarily about what you can do to make the other person happy. Do what pleases them, serve them first. I'm not saying to cater to their every whim, because that would be giving in to an abusive and destructive relationship<i> </i>on varying levels. What I am saying, is a less selfish attitude, where personal thoughts and desires are simply to serve instead of receive would prove a productive form of interpersonal relations. An in the case of winning oneself friend and influencing people in a way that benefits you, it can be necessary to <i>"bait the hook to suit the fish". </i>-<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Lloyd_George" target="_blank">Lloyd George</a>, Great Britain Prime Minister. In other words, <i>talk about what THEY want and show them how to get it. </i>And don't preach.<br />
<br />
Further on in this segment of reading, we are encouraged to be a people pleaser on our own terms. <br />
<br />
<i>"Action springs out of what we fundamentally desire... and the best piece of advise which can be given to would-be persuaders, whether in business, in the home, in the school, in politics is: First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way." </i>-<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_A._Overstreet" target="_blank">Harry A. Overstreet</a>, <i>Influencing Human Behavior</i><br />
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<i> Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something. Before your speak, pause and ask yourself: "How can I make this person want to do it?" That question will stop us from rushing into a situation heedlessly, with futile chatter about our desires.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as your own." </i>-<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Ford" target="_blank">Henry Ford</a><br />
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<i>The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. </i>Let's consider this statement for a moment and apply it to a couple of life situations, I know I'm not alone in experiencing. As a young single person in my late twenty-somethings, I have two major thoughts on my mind at a near constant rate; 1- How can I best alter my relationship status and 2- How do I climb the corporate ladder at a successful and speedy rate? One question revolves around that of personal satisfaction and the other of a professional, however both involve interaction with other people. What if I were to apply this very principle of serving others to both scenarios? And not just occasionally…. I mean quite literally, regularly.<br />
<br />
Would it be safe to assume that by being the woman who considers first what her romantic partners are desiring, that in turn I would solidify a monogamous relationship at some point? Is the logic sound in thinking that by showcasing how my abilities, talents, preferences, opinions and beliefs best benefit a potential life partner and their long term goals, dreams and aspirations that I too would gain what I seek?<br />
<br />
I think I've reached, what was often termed in my younger college years, an "ah-ha!" moment. And I feel a change in the wind.<br />
<br />
<i>"People who can put themselves in the place of other people, who can understand the workings of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for them." </i>-<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Owen_D._Young" target="_blank">Owen D. Young</a><br />
<br />
Boom! The people; others, come first. I coin that idea with a phrase I learned very early in my missionary service some years ago: <i>"Love the people more".</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>***</i><br />
<br />
In a nutshell, I've gleaned some main points of information over the past three blog postings that should be re-iterated as the "Fundamental Techniques in Handling People":<br />
<br />
Principle 1- Don't criticize, condemn or complain.<br />
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Principle 2- Give honest and sincere appreciation.<br />
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Principle 3- Arouse in the other person an eager want.<br />
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<br /></div>
Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311589296318405987.post-52559554376456215382013-12-31T00:57:00.001-07:002013-12-31T00:59:02.263-07:00How to Win Friends and Influence People- Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People<br />
<br />
<i>The Big Secret of Dealing with People</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>There is only one way… to get anybody to do anything…. by making the other person want to do it.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
However, we know that crude, sharp methods are not the best mode of encouraging others to do what you want. So if you can't do it by force, what is the alternative?<br />
<br />
Mr. Carnegie suggests that we give the other person what they want, in order to get what we want them to do. Hmmm… seems a bit sly and under handed. But perhaps there is an interesting method to this madness. We start by considering what it is that people want. Does that imply that we actually hone in on peoples main animalistic drives, i.e. sex and the desire to be great, according to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sigmund_Freud" target="_blank">Dr. Sigmund Freud</a>. Or as <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Dewey" target="_blank">Mr. John Dewey</a> points out here on this book's pages: <i>"the desire to be important". </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
We further read to discover a list of possibly typical wants/wishes of the average human being, regardless of race, gender, age or sexual orientation:<br />
<br />
<i>1. Health and the</i><i> preservation of life.</i><br />
<i>2. Food.</i><br />
<i>3. Sleep.</i><br />
<i>4. Money and the things money will buy.</i><br />
<i>5. Life in the hereafter.</i><br />
<i>6. Sexual gratification.</i><br />
<i>7. The well-being of our children.</i><br />
<i>8. A feeling of importance.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Almost all these wants are usually gratified-- all except one. But there is one longing-- almost as deep, almost as imperious, as the desire for food or sleep-- which is seldom gratified. It is what Freud calls "the desire to be great." It is what Dewey calls the "desire to be important."</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"Everybody likes a compliment." </i>-<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abraham_Lincoln" target="_blank">Abraham Lincoln</a><br />
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<i>"The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated." </i>-<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_James" target="_blank">William James</a><br />
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<i>Here is a gnawing and unfaltering human hunger, and the rare individual who honestly satisfies this heart hunger will hold people in the palm of his or her hand and "even the undertaker will be sorry when he dies."</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
How people get their own feelings of importance determines what they are; determines their character.<br />
<br />
<i>"I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person by appreciation and encouragement.</i><br />
<i>There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticism from superiors. I never criticize anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise, but loathe to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise." </i>-Charles Schwab<br />
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An average person would likely resume the opposite way of thinking; bawling out loud to others when they don't like something, and yet saying nothing when something is approved.<br />
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<i>"In my wide association with life, meeting with many and great people in various parts of the world I have yet to find a person, however great or exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under spirit of approval than he would ever do under a spirit of criticism." </i>-<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Schwab" target="_blank">Charles Schwab</a><br />
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<i>We nourish the bodies of our children and friends and employees, but how seldom do we nourish their self-esteem? We provide them with roast beef and potatoes and build energy, but we neglect to give them kind words of appreciated that would sing in their memories for years like the music of morning stars. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
But beware of flattery, as it disguises itself to walk along side praise, compliment and appreciation. It can do more harm than good in it's<i> </i>counterfeit and fake way of being; it is insincere, is not heartfelt, selfish, cheap praise and condemned.<br />
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<i>"Don't be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you." </i>-<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alvaro_Obregon" target="_blank">General Alvaro Obregon</a><br />
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<i>One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence is appreciation. Somehow, we neglect to praise… and we fail to encourage. Nothing pleases more than this kind of interest and approval. In our interpersonal relations we should never forget that all our associates are human beings and hunger for appreciation. It is the legal tender that all souls enjoy. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>I shall pass this way by once; any good, therefore, that I can do air any kindness I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Let's cease thinking of our accomplishments, our wants. Let's try to figure out the other person's good points. Then forget flattery Give honest, sincere appreciation. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise," and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime-- repeat them years after you have forgotten them.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i><br /></i>
<i><br /></i>
</div>
Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311589296318405987.post-3103253503366046322013-12-29T22:51:00.001-07:002013-12-29T22:51:31.416-07:00How To Win Friends and Influence People- Don't Criticize or Complain<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People<br />
<br />
I think its key to remember right from the start, that they… and I do mean all of us mortal people, are just that; mortal. We fall into the category of imperfect beings; of what the Holy Scriptures refer to as, "<a href="http://www.lds.org/search?lang=eng&query=the+natural+man" target="_blank">the natural man</a>". Such categorization referring to in real terms the actual animal, weak-minded, unmannered, habitual persons who as children of a great God, stumble in meeting our true purpose and destiny to become in reality: god-like. Hence the reason why we are having this life of experience in the first place right?! Of course. Part of becoming "god-like" is to LEARN! And learning to handle situations and other people is a key component to achieving the successful end result.<br />
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Dale Carnegie proceeds to instruct his first idea/technique in handling people:<br />
<br />
<i>1. Don't Criticize, Condemn or Complain </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>If You Want to Gather Honey, Don't Kick Over the Beehive</i><br />
<br />
We've learned through life's experiences in dealing with others that the "natural man" (<a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/3?lang=eng" target="_blank">which is an enemy to God… and therefore an enemy to our becoming like Him</a>) often finds reason to rationalize and explain away actions which may be morally incorrect, harmful, and in some cases perhaps even sinful. <i>Most of them attempt by a form of reasoning, fallacious or logical, to justify their anti-social acts even to themselves, consequently stoutly maintaining that they should never have been in the wrong <at wrong="">at all. </at></i>In fact, it would seem that those of this world who may be perhaps MORE influenced by the "natural man", than by the spirit within him that gives his natural body life and personality, often don't blame themselves for anything! (No matter how wrong they may be.)<br />
<br />
I'm not writing this as an act of scolding such imperfections… even in my own person. John Wanamaker is quoted in this book at having said, <i>"I learned thirty years ago that it is foolish to scold. I have enough trouble overcoming my own limitations without fretting over the fact that God has not seen fit to distribute evenly the gift of intelligence". </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<br />
<i>Criticism is futile because it puts a person on a defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment. </i>Again, this is much like an animal reaction to the situation, but remember, having not yet obtained godhood nor perfection in any form this is the natural reaction to negative reinforcement. With this thought in constant consideration, we can recall countless scientific studies and personal experiences where an animal (person or not), who when <i>rewarded for good behavior learns much more rapidly and retains what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior. </i>Therefore, <i>by criticizing, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
In conjunction with criticism, standing as an unwanted wall that keeps us from communicating effectively with others, we are often crossed with the innate behaviors of insulting our fellow men, and ridiculing them for our own purposes and agendas. Seems to be a bit more like casting judgement where judgement has yet to have been served. "Judge not, that yet be not judged." I dunno about you, but I'm only wanting myself and God to be my judge and witness of my actual doings and who I am… not any other imperfect being. So I'll make it my resolve to not behave opposite of my desire for myself toward any other.<br />
<br />
Dale Carnegie continued to write on the matter:<br />
<br />
<i>Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve? Good! That is fine. I am all in favor of it. But why not begin on yourself? From a purely selfish standpoint, that is a lot more profitable than trying to improve others-- yes, and a lot less dangerous. </i><br />
<br />
<i>If you and I want to stir up a resentment tomorrow that may rankle across the decades and endure until death, just lest us indulge in a little stinging criticism-- no matter how certain we are that it is justified.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them. Let's try to figure out why they do what they do. That's a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i><br /></i></div>
Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311589296318405987.post-78506227500581128102013-12-26T19:20:00.000-07:002013-12-26T19:20:42.946-07:00How to Win Friends and Influence People- A Study Journal<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
As I was pulling in to work this morning, the day after we celebrate the birth of our Savior; I found myself contemplating the stark reality that I had fallen so far from where I once was. While pondering this grave fact of my current life status, I've since come to the conclusion that the reason for this downfall, is ultimately due to my lack of endurance to meet an end goal. Now, without getting too religious about this undeniable factor currently contributing to my lack of direction and current course of life, yet knowing that my faith and living of gospel principles should also be a constant driving force, I know that I have to pick up where I left off... <a href="http://raindance-throughheavenseyes.blogspot.com/2013/09/climbing-up.html" target="_blank">once I get out of the woods here</a>.<br />
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In short, I recall having not only a regular habit of living a faithful life, but also of consistent intellectual improvement by reading well written teachings and theories on characteristic improvements. This too, I have lost an ability to endure in. So although some may deem this a little too early to acquire new year resolutions, I've made it a tactical life decision to take more time reading and studying what many call "self-help" books. Perhaps it will encourage a more adept ability to be successful on a larger scale... at least this is my hope.<br />
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My first attempt at personal improvement was recommended some years ago to me by a close friend whom I view as not only a vastly successful businessman, but also an inspiring motivator and spiritual giant. He has sworn by Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" as a powerful foundation that built who he is now is both professionally and personally. I therefore plan to indulge my thought processing by compiling my own commentary and insight on the words I will be reading here in this blog.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihLOjSjWvoquf6uOAuTboIZGbbAYV7Nv9SpibpaqBRrccuakehVooyH_XFrzoz3f9yGY7Y8XRb1Md-AkcCGdMJDKBssq1Jz8LEMhwddvosijVca7CQz6zKXesM26Jh1wDIC3Gd06-Mght8/s1600/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihLOjSjWvoquf6uOAuTboIZGbbAYV7Nv9SpibpaqBRrccuakehVooyH_XFrzoz3f9yGY7Y8XRb1Md-AkcCGdMJDKBssq1Jz8LEMhwddvosijVca7CQz6zKXesM26Jh1wDIC3Gd06-Mght8/s320/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people.jpg" width="196" /></a></div>
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<br />
Opening Page Reads: <i>The More You Get Out of This Book, the More You'll Get Out of Life!</i><br />
This seems to be a premise for an alluded promise, yet to be experienced. In my experience, a promise such as this, would require personal effort on my part. Mr. Carnegie states on this page:<br />
<i>In order to get the most out of this book:</i><br />
<i>a. Develop a deep, driving desire to master the principles of human relations.</i><br />
<i>b. Read each chapter twice before going on to the next one.</i><br />
<i>c. As you read, stop frequently to ask yourself how you can apply each suggestion.</i><br />
<i>d. Underscore each important idea.</i><br />
<i>e. Review this book each month.</i><br />
<i>f. Apply these principles at every opportunity. Use this volume as a working handbook to help you solve your daily problems.</i><br />
<i>g. Make a lively game out of your learning by offering some friend a dime or a dollar every time he or she catches you violating one of these principles.</i><br />
<i>h. Check up each week on the progress you are making. Ask yourself what mistakes you have made, what improvement, what lessons you have learned for the future.</i><br />
<i>i. Keep notes in the back of this book showing how and when you have applied these principles.</i><br />
<br />
I'm assuming that one would not be required to pursue each of these suggestions in order to get "the most out of this book", however there are some good examples of what I would deem to be successful study habits.... such habits that could easily be applied to all other books and techniques one might be seeking to learn. Hence why I have noted them here.<br />
<br />
It is keen to note that originally, this written work was to be used as a sort of textbook for Mr. Carnegie's courses in Effective Speaking and Human Relations. These courses, according to Mrs. Dale Carnegie are still offered today. I wonder what those courses entail...<br />
<br />
In Mr. Carnegie's self written prologue about how this book was written-- and why, he candidly points out, <i>"Dealing with people is probably the biggest problem you face, especially if you are in business. Yes, and that is also true if you are a housewife, architect, or engineer."</i><br />
Oh how peculiar this world would be without some sort of interpersonal communication! Anyone who thinks contrary to Dale's statement of the obvious, needs to make a serious check in with reality. In fact, he also points out only <i>15% of one's financial success is due to one's technical knowledge on any subject and approximately 85% of this same form of success is actually due to personality and the ability to lead people</i>. This proves to be an intriguing concept. While 15% adds up to a fair amount of the sum, I'm baffled by the amount of success that actually comes simply by being.... AWESOME, to put it blankly. And to think I spent thousands of dollars on higher education. I could almost find it irritating and obnoxiously annoying that the highest-paid personnel in almost any industry are frequently not those who know the most about their field. My one saving grace to amount to anything in the future is the hope that if I have <i>the technical knowledge PLUS the ability to express ideas, assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people</i>-- in other words, communicating effectively, then I will be enabled with a higher earning power. I suppose at this point I can at least be grateful that I actually majored in communication while studying for my undergraduate.<br />
<br />
Side Note: Someone very close to me, aka a family member with parental insight and authority recently made their opinion known regarding my hard earned education. He eluded if not matter of factually stated that a degree in Communication was "tiddly winks"; insinuating that I shouldn't seek a graduate degree in it because it wont get me anywhere in this world. While I harbor no ill will against this person whom I still hold in high esteem and respect, my heart was crushed at his condemnation. I fully accept the fact that I entered the work force at the peak of a national recession and jobs in my originally chosen field were scarce, and that the current job position I hold was not part of my original professional business plan. But I also accept the fact that all things considered, my ability to promote upwards in my current company of employment is due largely in part to my education and daily application in effective communication and leadership. These have enhanced my knowledge and experience in ways I could not see before, and I will only improve and move upward because of it. We'll see who's education was tiddly winks in due time.<br />
<br />
There are some inspiring quotes within this prologue's last pages:<br />
<br />
<i>"Compared to what we ought to be, we are only half awake. We are making use of only a small part of our physical and mental resources. Stating the thing broadly, the human individual thus lives far within his limits. He possesses powers of various sorts which he habitually fails to use." </i> -<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_James" target="_blank">William James, Harvard Professor</a><br />
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<i>"Education is the ability to meet life's situations." </i>-Dr. John G. Hibben, Former President Princeton University<br />
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<i>"The great aim of education is not knowledge, but action."</i> -Herbert Spencer<br />
<br />
If Mr. Carnegie intended these final quotes to be associated with each other in this conclusion, one can be lead to think that in order to live outside our limits and what we ought to be, then we require education and that very education must lead to action or a performance of the knowledge gleaned from said education. Would it be safe to assume, if we are to glean anything from life the sole basis of such accomplishments is determined by an education; knowledge on simply.... "How to Win Friends and Influence People."<br />
<br />
Hmmmm....... Interesting... <br />
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Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311589296318405987.post-84144879887005783602013-11-06T17:22:00.000-07:002013-11-06T17:22:11.159-07:00To Be Made and Instrument<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Each night as I kneel before my maker, I ever so humbly ask to be made an instrument in His hands, to bless the lives of those dear to my heart.<br />
<br />
I've seen miracles beyond words brought to pass on numerous occassions. When my soul purpose thrives on my being the tool God chooses to use to bring blessings into the lives of His other children, my heart soars.<br />
<br />
But there are inevitably still going to be moments when my sought after purpose, yields to a broken heart. For though I be an instrument, I'm only wielded as far as the Master's hand moves me. For as many miracles as I've encountered, I've witnessed some rejection and carried a heavy and broken heart because of it.<br />
<br />
Never before in my life has my heart felt broken for anything such as this before. My heart aches for every family member, every friend, investigator or loved one, who willfully rejects the love of our Father in Heaven after He has so freely shared it through either myself and the words, actions or deeds I strive to be worthy to share with them, or those of other far more worthy instruments and tools at his disposal.<br />
<br />
I often feel as did prophets and missionaries of old...<br />
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"... I am desirous for the welfare of your souls. Yea, mine anxiety is great for you; and ye yourselves know that it ever has been. For I have exhorted you with all diligence; and I have taught you... and I have spoken unto you concerning all the things which are written..." (Jacob, speaking to the Nephite nation. 2 Nephi 6:3)<br />
<br />
"... O Lord, have mercy and spare my life, that I may be an instrument in thy hands to save and preserve this people." (Alma the Younger, praying to God. Alma 2:30)<br />
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"O Lord, my heart is exceedingly sorrowful; wilt thou comfort my soul in Christ. O Lord, wilt thou grant unto me that I may have strength, that I may suffer with patience these afflictions which shall come upon me... O Lord, wilt thou comfort my soul, and give unto me success, and also my fellow laborers who are with me... yea, even all these wilt thou comfort their souls in Christ. Wilt thou grant unto them that they may have strength, that they may bear their afflictions which shall come upon them... O Lord, wilt though grant unto us that we may have success in bringing them again unto thee in Christ. Behold, O Lord, their souls are precious, and many of them are our brethren; therefore, give unto us, O Lord, power and wisdom that we may bring these, our brethren, again unto thee." (Alma the Younger, praying to God just prior to missionary service Alma 31:20-34)<br />
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I know each of us is entitled to our own agency to choose the life path we will travel, in a sense... but oh how I've come to a deeper understanding of how it felt for my Savior, Jesus Christ... Son of the Living God, to perform the Atonement that night in Gethsemane. He knew then as well as He knows now, just how sorrowful it is to witness the falling and stumbling; the rejection and lack of trust so many souls have chosen to live with.<br />
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I'm far from a perfect being, maybe I shouldn't be so eager to make myself moldable at will to the Father; and I know some who will read this post and think that I haven't even scratched the surface... that the eternal welfare of others should be the least of my worries when I fall so far short of the mark that's been placed before me. My imperfections will be my ultimate downfall.<br />
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And yet, it seems to be one of the only things my heart truly desires; to aid my God in His great and marvelous work. This inspiring objective brings my spirit climbing to new heights and keeps my temptations, weaknesses and ungodly habits at bay.<br />
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Recently, I've been placed in the lives of a couple individuals, for what ultimate purpose I do not know. I only know that with each precious soul, I'm granted a mere sliver of mortal time to lift them higher on life's mountain. While one such individual scoffed at the open hand of love and patience reaching out to him, another seems to tremble and hesitate in mistrust of the same hand.<br />
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My soul mourned and at times still feels heavy at the remembrance of how blatantly he pushed away every testament I shared with him; every word of encouragement and hope was cast down and ridiculed simply because it was something he no longer desired to be a part of his life. To this brother, a son of God; child of my heavenly family, I cried in agony at your rejection of the light Father wishes you would let back into your life. I weeped for your misunderstanding of correct principles and teachings that had been shared with you your entire life…. principles and teachings you bore witness and testimony of as a servant in his vineyard some years ago, and now pretend to be a part of for sake of saving face with family and friends but have no real intention of following through with. My heart broke for your sake.<br />
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While I privately mourn the choices of one, I plead with loving care on behalf of the other who, due to choices and actions of others struggles to regain her trust in that same great and loving Father who has always watched over her and blessed her. Unfortunately, said trust can only be cemented upon a sure foundation… which at this time may be under mending from so many years of battling the forces which have sought anxiously to bring her down to the very lowest depths, and perhaps in her past she succumbed to some of these forces temptations, ideas, and misrepresentations to the point where she might feel that she is not worthy, or of any worth, or able to trust God again. The only thing I am able to do is help mend the foundation by supplying the means to do so, but I cannot MAKE the foundation be repaired. That will be her choice.<br />
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If I could however, without repercussions, sit down with this beautiful, uniquely special; this strong and resilient daughter of God and express to her the testimony that burns brightly in me regarding her strength, her resilience, her beauty and the blessings and gifts Father has yet to give her, I would with assuredness. My words to her would be:<br />
<br />
Dearest Sister, for many nights now I've wept for you. How I pray for you to truly know, and trust in the all encompassing love of a Great, Perfect and Almighty Father in Heaven. He knows your heartaches. He sees your trials. He has witnessed your triumphs and wept with you through your pain, and even contradictory life choices. Father knows you and is aware of your needs and righteous desires. He longs to hold you and bring you safely into His rest. He has willingly offered His Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ to provide a way for you to acquire freedom from earthly pains, transgressions, and misgivings. He has lovingly, without guile or judgement, invited you to "Come unto Him", and the Power of Christ's redemption can heal whatever may be broken within you.<br />
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These Perfect and Celestial Beings, The Father and The Son, are not like the men you may have encountered in mortality. They will not betray you; they practice no ill will towards you, nor do they approve of any man on earth who denies you the right to be treated with utmost respect, love, care, tenderness, patience and understanding. They long for your regained trust in them and their ability to not only heal and mend your broken heart, but to also set right the situations and experiences that have wronged you; for They are both Merciful, and Just.<br />
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The experiences of your past, did not occur because of Their lack of love and concern for you. Understand that some experiences and trials you were meant to go through. To both make you strong, and to prove as witness against those who may have wrongfully and spitefully fought against you.<br />
<br />
Please know that you were an exceptionally strong and valiant daughter of God in our Pre-Mortal Life. You fought then for freedoms and rights; correct principles, doctrines and teachings that would provide a pathway towards everyone's eternal progression should they in life choose to live for. That same battle you fought in then, wages on now. Your strength and valiance has only increased and Father is extremely proud of the righteous desires you continue to exhibit and fight for each day. DON'T GIVE UP! Hold on, just a little longer. The pain that you've been feeling, can't compare to the joy that is coming. Angels are here now, to lift you up; and they will carry you upon their shoulders in celebration of your great victories. And my own heart will be singing songs of rejoice at that day, which I KNOW will be soon near, if you but hold on… and place it all in God's hands. Trust in His ability to bless you.<br />
For, it is a trust I have placed in Him on your behalf.<br />
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I don't know if these children, or any others in God's kingdom read my words. And maybe no one ever will. But my prayer for these two individuals, mirrors the prayers I have for many others. If you're reading this right now, you might be one of them. Regardless, I hope that my sharing these words has been applied to my purpose and desire to be an instrument in His hands. </div>
Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311589296318405987.post-58153194179147820112013-10-07T16:37:00.000-06:002013-10-07T16:37:18.426-06:00Seeking Purpose<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Oft times my mind will be caught up in serious reflection on my life, the choices I've made, the talents I have and the path I'm on. The worst feeling I can experience in this life, is that I have not lived enough, that I lack in so much. (second to this is the feeling of not being accepted, but that's a topic for a different day).<br />
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No matter how inspired I feel I can be in a moment of deciding worthy goals and plans to better myself, I lack accomplishment or completion and its becoming a sick plague I wish to be rid of. I'm consistently bombarded by roadblocks which seek to thwart any kind of inspired activity or positive thinking. I've made no dent, no impression, no change to the world. Its as though I've been attempting to push a boulder up a mountain, but it hasn't moved in even the slightest degree.<br />
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I once saw a graphic on pinterest regarding one's purpose:<br />
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<span id="goog_1909443693"></span><span id="goog_1909443694"></span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">If my talents ultimately lead to my purpose. Why do I not have a main talent to point me and lead me on my way?</span><span id="goog_1909443693"> This appears to be a fairly simple and logical equation. Why am I not able to compute the sum?</span><span id="goog_1909443693"> How am I ever to be great; to leave my mark on the world if I never seem to establish fruits of my labors?</span><br />
<br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">Words sung by renowned musician, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/beyonceVEVO?feature=watch" target="_blank">Beyonce</a>, seem to hit the underlying feelings I have right now...</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693"> </span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I wanna leave my footprint</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">on the sands of time.</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">Know there was something that</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I left behind.</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">When I leave this world,</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I'll leave no regrets.</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">Leave something to remember</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">so they wont forget</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693"></span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I was here. </span><br />
<br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I lived, I loved</span><span id="goog_1909443693">.</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I was here.</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I did, I've done</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">everything that I wanted</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">and it was more than I </span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">thought it would be. </span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I will leave my mark</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">so everyone will know</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I was here.</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693"><br /></span>
<span id="goog_1909443693">I wanna say that I </span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">lived each day until I died,</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">and know that I </span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">meant something in somebody's life.</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">The hearts I have touched</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">will be the proof that I leave;</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">that I made a difference</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">and this world will see</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693"></span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I was here.</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693"><br /></span>
<span id="goog_1909443693">I lived, I loved.</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I was here.</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I did, I've done</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">everything that I wanted </span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">and it was more than I </span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">thought it would be.</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I will leave my mark</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">so everyone will know</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I was here.</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693"><br /></span>
<span id="goog_1909443693">I lived, I loved.</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I was here.</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I did, I've done</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">everything that I wanted </span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">and it was more than I </span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">thought it would be.</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I will leave my mark</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">so everyone will know</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I was here.</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693"></span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693"></span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693"><br /></span>
<span id="goog_1909443693">I just want them to know</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">that I gave my all;</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">did my best;</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">brought someone some happiness</span><span id="goog_1909443693">;</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">left this world a little better because</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I was here.</span><br />
<br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I was here.</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I lived, I loved.</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I was here.</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I did, I've done</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">everything that I wanted</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">and it was more than I </span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">thought it would be.</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I will leave my mark so everyone will know</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I was here.</span><br />
<br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I lived, I loved.</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I was here.</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I did, I've done</span><br />
<br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I was here.</span><br />
<br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">********* </span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693"> </span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693">I work a job that is so far from my desired profession and my former expensive college education </span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693"><br /></span>
<span id="goog_1909443693">Lets be honest, I've tried making goals with deadlines and detailed plans, and I've tried just the opposite. I've attempted to be a ambitious and sought an education. I've sacrificed time, energy and money to serve and benefit others... in fact, I've made this my life's determination; to always be seeking the betterment of someone else's life of situation. I've never asked for anything in return. I don't want to appear selfish or self centered, but is there going to be a paying forward to myself? Am I actually going to witness the fruits I've labored so diligently to cultivate?</span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693"><br /></span>
<span id="goog_1909443693">I know this blog is supposed to be dedicated to seeing life through Heaven's Eyes, and not my temporal ones, but people aren't reading anyway, so why should I care? I'm just tired.... tired of trying and trying and not seeming to get anywhere. I've been tired for a few years now... </span><span id="goog_1909443693">am I making any difference?</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span id="goog_1909443693"></span><span id="goog_1909443693">Still seeking purpose... </span><span id="goog_1909443693"> </span><br />
<br />
<span id="goog_1909443693"></span><br />
<span id="goog_1909443693"></span><span id="goog_1909443693"></span><span id="goog_1909443693"> </span><span id="goog_1909443693"> </span><span id="goog_1909443694"></span></div>
Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311589296318405987.post-65405770926834875452013-09-16T15:39:00.002-06:002013-09-16T15:39:57.835-06:00Choose Higher Ground<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311589296318405987.post-72328398830597210402013-09-16T00:12:00.001-06:002013-09-16T00:12:23.597-06:00Climbing Up<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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The life each member of the human family is brought to live (though differing on a variety of levels), can typically be summed up in the form of a self-made parable about mountain climbing. Indeed, the very thought that we each must climb the same mountain, but along our own trails and at our own pace, poses great impressions upon the mind and heart.<br />
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Envision the young, eager hiker; equipped and ready to tackle the climb and carrying little doubt or concern for their inabilities or weaknesses. They are armed with the necessary tools to make their way to the top and proclaim victory over the obstacle of life. Such tools could include a pack filled with: a map, maybe a field guide, a first aid kit, a blanket, a light, and a compass. As the early morning breaks, and with determination, this young individual steps out on the path they see before them, and sets out on a journey that they will quickly learn can either make, or break them forever.<br />
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At first, the hike upward seems easy. The terrain has been well cleared of debris and dangers. There is little need for the amenities carefully packed away in the depths of the large bag strapped to their soft, youthful back. All too soon however we, the climber, find ourselves needing comfort, warmth and direction. Because this is going to be a lot harder and longer than we thought it would be in the beginning. The trail becomes much narrower and easy to stray from. The weather is often changing from bright sunny days, to dark intense rains.<br />
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Thankfully, there are other hikers who cross our paths. Some even climb with us for a time, and the journey doesn't seem so long during such wonderful times. Our relations with some of these, enable us to learn how to best utilize the tools tucked safely away in our packs. Early on, one even gave us a one-way radio and taught us how to send messages to the camp at the peak. This device works to our advantage because many times, aid from camp in varying forms can be sent down to us upon our request. It's also a way we can give a status report to those anxiously awaiting at the summit camp.<br />
<br />
The trail map, becomes our greatest ally against the weaving, winding, steep and sometimes disappearing mountain trail. It has become the key to discernment and direction.<br />
<br />
The field guide is used as a book of information we continually add to through our own self experience and sometimes passed on to us by these fellow hikers.<br />
<br />
Someone takes the time to teach us how to use and utilize the compass, and for a while the climb ever upward plateaus for a time. However, this ease can lead to a sense of over zealousness and we throw caution to the wind, since we know exactly what we are doing; leading to painful stumbles and minor scrapes.<br />
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On occasion, one might find themselves lost and weary. We stumble and even loose our footing to the point of falling completely off the path. We fall deep into ravines or hang precariously off high precipices. We have brought ourselves to places of sorrow such as these for many number of reasons. But the truth of the matter is, if we had simply stayed on the path, no matter how narrow; if we had ensured our footing before charging ahead so recklessly; if we had only turned the light on sooner when the darkness came closing in on us.... so many "what if" and "if only" scenarios could easily have been avoided.<br />
<br />
Up til now, this is the greatest set back we have ever experienced on this climb. Previously it may have only been a slight trip or stumble; a slip along the muddy path. Minor scrapes and bruises. But back then we merely made our adjustments and carried on. Never before had we actually lost our footing enough to fall so far down and away from the trail. We admit that we were wrong in venturing too close to the edge of the high cliff to begin with. But previously when we had fallen we had been able to act quick enough on instinct to catch ourself from the fall and pull up from the side of the depths before experiencing such loss.<br />
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Now, we lay in fetal position. Attempting in vain to block out the pain of the multitude of cuts and wounds now inflicted deep in the flesh. Some are even infected now. Tears rush down our dirt streaked face. We feel vulnerable, alone, cold, scared and even angry. The contents of our pack are strewn about us; it begins to rain. Hadn't anyone see us veering the wrong direction? Why didn't anyone know we had fallen from the path? Was anyone looking for me?<br />
<br />
I weakly cry out for aid, hoping someone will hear, but to no avail. Sitting up and taking in my surroundings and feeling bitter because no one cares, I give up my call for help. Discarding my mangled and meager belongings, I wobble to a standing position and make my way to the side of the mountain. I'm too weak to climb, and am unable to locate any strong hand/foot holds to attempt a climb upward to the path I was once on.<br />
<br />
Hours pass. Despair sinks in as I realize that the dangers down in these depths are at a greater intensity than they were from the trail. Darkness all around me and nothing but an unknown wondering awaits me in the shadows beyond. I've heard of this place. There have been others who became lost to this dreary place. They too had fallen from the path they were meant to stay on and now they remain here. They remain here, because they would rather discover their own paths than feel conformed to someone else's idea of how to reach the summit.<br />
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<br />
These former climbers would rather experience the sweet, raw taste of the exotic sweet fruits here, off the trail. They desire to meander with other fallen hikers, forming bonds that decrease their opportunity to climb to the beauties, wonders and bounties which await every one at the top of the mountain. The opportunity decreasing every day simply from their lack of commitment to the climb, they no longer desire to reach the top.<br />
<br />
More time passes... days upon days even. I've lost track of time and how long its been since I was on my way to the summit and not here. I've become numb from the surrounding cold. I consider what that must be like, to gather with the fallen; as if that might be my only chance for joy after such a reckless fall. As my heart breaks at the thought of never reaching the end; never experiencing the excitement and accomplishment of reaching the mountain peak, my eyes spy the light that had fallen from my pack.<br />
<br />
I limp through the muddy terrain, each step more painful than the last. My blood and filth stained hands reach for the light. The light is very dim, but its enough to show me where my map fell during my fall. In wrenching pain, I make my way to its resting place, and collapse. I just wish it were all over now. I'm too tired, too weak, to sore to try anymore. But I turn the warn pages of the map over and over in my filthy hands. If I can only make it up out of this low valley I've fallen into, I'll be back on the path I shouldn't have strayed from.<br />
<br />
Ragged, and torn, I look desperately about me for any sign of what I should do next. Survival is my only hope. Survival is what keeps me from moving farther away from the trail high above me. My bag that had been strapped to my back previously, lay a few feet away and I gather a bit of strength to retrieve it and my belongings. In so doing, discover that the radio I'd been carrying throughout my journey currently resting on a ledge high above my head- just close enough to the edge that I can see it when I back away from the side of the mountain.<br />
<br />
The radio is my life line! I HAVE to climb up and retrieve it for immediate use. If I do not, I may just die here.<br />
<br />
Somehow, I manage to bring my mangled body to attempt the climb upward, even if its just to the radio. Its hard to obtain any sure footing or grip as I slip and scrape. The injuries I've received, send jolts of excruciating pain from my extremities as I struggle to hold on to anything that will get me closer to the ledge. After what feels like a lifetime to my weakened self, I finally make it up to the ledge. The trail, still a number of feet higher than this. I KNOW I cannot obtain the goal.<br />
<br />
I press the button on the radio, to speak with the summit. I'm ashamed to call out for their help, and I pause for a long while instead of making the call. I'm such a disgrace of a climber. There will be no mercy. I had a simple task, and I failed to adhere to the guidelines to keep me on that task. I'm so ashamed.<br />
<br />
Finally, I make the call for help... and I feel like collapsing.<br />
<br />
Expecting to obtain aid from another hiker, my weary eyes are surprised to find Him repelling down to me; the Trail Maker. Saddened by my lack of abilities, tears come rolling down in burning streams. The salty moisture irritates the opened crevices of the wounds gaping open upon my lips and chin.<br />
<br />
He rushes to my side. Of all the many souls seeking to walk in His steps, He comes down to my level of despair and pain. His eyes are sad as He surveys my condition. His warm hand gently caresses my battered one. I whisper to Him how sorry I am for letting Him down. I express what remains of my desire to reach the summit. I confess my youthful recklessness which brought me to my fall. He lovingly begins to dress my many wounds.<br />
<br />
He gently washes away the dirt from my face. Then I see a tear fall from his eye. He tells me how concerned They have been at the summit; they had not heard from me for some time and they feared the worst. He says I was all He could think of as He left the others gathered at the top and came in search of me. He talked about how much of His strength is spent in searching out others who have become lost. He pulls me into his strong embrace, telling me how glad He is that I had been found. He holds me like this for a few moments and I feel an inner weight deep within me lifted. He was not angry with me, rather He was overcome with joy that I had been saved from the depths of my fall. He was happy that I had called out to the summit camp for help. That action had given Them hope that I wanted to be found, that I wanted to finish my climb.<br />
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More tears fall as I realize how much the Trail Maker cares for me; how concerned for me He is; and how He doesn't condemn me for my lack of sight or even for stumbling as I have. I know I can trust Him no matter what happens. Too soon, He releases me from the protection of His arms. He knows I feel weak right now, but when I climb back to the trail, I will regain my strength. So He stands and extends a hand to raise me up.<br />
<br />
Weakly, but with stronger resolve, I reach up and He brings me to stand again. He helps me strap on the extra harness He brought for the treacherous climb up and begins His ascent. Every movement on my part required more strength than I had. But each time my footing gave out, or my hand lost its grip, He reached out for me and kept me from regressing. Upon my eventual and glorious return to the safe and secure path, the Trail Maker held me close again and told me that He would be waiting for me at the top.<br />
<br />
And so I climb up...<br />
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Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311589296318405987.post-44249609979410395342013-09-04T17:51:00.000-06:002013-09-04T17:51:45.667-06:00In Your Hands<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: right;">
(Written in July of 2008)</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
As sleep relieved me of the day,</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
to an high mountain I was carried away.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
The Spirit was to be my guide this night</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
and my Father's house was within my sight.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
I entered in at the gate;</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
the steps before, began with faith.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Lead me by the way.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Walk with me each day.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Help me understand-</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
I'm in your hands.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
The Savior met me at the door,</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
and I could hold my tears no more.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Wonder pierced my memory-</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
had I become all He asked me to be?</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
My heart cried out:</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Lord, save me from my doubt!</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Lead me by the way.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Walk with me each day.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Help me understand- </div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
I'm in your hands.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Have I served with a heart sincere?</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Am I worthy to be standing here?</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Did I let you down with life was tough?</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Lord, did I give enough?</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Lead me by the way.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Walk with me each day.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Help me understand-</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
I'm in your hands.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
As I knelt with fear and trembling,</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
I felt His hands so soft and loving.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
He took me in, and held me close;</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
'Child you already know...</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Every hand you held </div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
and with each tear that fell,</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Thou hast served me well'.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Lead me by the way.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Walk with me each day.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Help me understand-</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
I'm in your hands.</div>
</div>
Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311589296318405987.post-59692187791244819062013-09-04T17:41:00.000-06:002013-09-04T17:41:52.318-06:00The Natural Man<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I'm sorry Lord. I just can't get it right.<br />
Forgive me- for my lack of sight.<br />
If only I could be<br />
all you see in me.<br />
I fall short in keeping<br />
promises you are seeking.<br />
Though it seems I try,<br />
yet in agony I cry.<br />
I failed you again.<br />
<br />
I need to put off the natural man,<br />
to be found on your right hand.<br />
Pure as a child;<br />
meek and mild,<br />
filled with love,<br />
and return to you above.<br />
<br />
In my carnal state is seems<br />
I'm so far past feeling.<br />
Lower than the earth's dust<br />
sinks my soul 'cuz of lust.<br />
And with tears of pain I plead-<br />
O God have mercy!<br />
Cleanse me through His sacrifice.<br />
For I believe in Christ.<br />
<br />
I need to put off the natural man,<br />
to be found on your right hand.<br />
Pure as a child;<br />
meek and mild,<br />
filled with love,<br />
and return to you above.<br />
<br />
...Put off the natural man.</div>
Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311589296318405987.post-41778650197150627762013-09-01T23:15:00.000-06:002013-09-01T23:15:15.238-06:00Send Me An Angel<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
(Written 12/13/07. This particular piece was written whilst I was serving as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I had been assigned to labor in the cities of Danville and Alamo California during this time. I had spent the Thanksgiving holiday already in this area, which had proven to try my faith in myself and my ability to communicate well with others. Christmas, and a transfer change was looming before me and if I had known what trials were meant to come my way shortly after the Christmas holiday, I might not have had the strength to stay and complete my service).<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
With fear and trembling,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
on my knees I plead.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Tears flow freely;</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
my soul can barely breath.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My heart cries out.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
In the darkness, all is still.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The pain leaves scars of doubt.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My spirit's numb; its hard to feel.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Send me an angel.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I need loving arms around me.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Light the dark so I can see.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A hand that's warm to dry my tears;</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
lift all my doubts and fears.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Send me an angel.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Shadows of the day,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
burn trails in my memory.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And clouded is the way</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
that leads to my belief.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Send me an angel.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I need loving arms around me.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Light the dark so I can see.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A hand that's arm to dry my tears;</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
lift all my doubts and fears.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Send me an angel.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Gently from above,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a soft had is shown.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm reaching up,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
finding strength beyond my own.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My eyes behold</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a face of love.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The friend from before</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
is my angel from above.</div>
<br />
(Thankfully, a prayer was answered, and when I was meant to experience the darkest trial of my missionary service, God sent someone to be there with me; another sister missionary who knew what to say and do to ease the burden I felt in my heart and soul. In short, God did send me an angel. She may not know it, but her wisdom and spiritual insight gave me the strength to keep on).</div>
Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311589296318405987.post-64025465399671502552013-09-01T22:51:00.004-06:002013-09-01T22:51:32.045-06:00Your Journey<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
(Written 02/16/08. Midway through My Missionary Service)<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You stepped off the plane that day,</div>
<div>
not really knowing what you would say.</div>
<div>
Welcomed by a man named Beck,</div>
<div>
you met your trainer and you were set.</div>
<div>
To the people of Oakland you went,</div>
<div>
Sharing this love our Father sent.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Preaching and teaching;</div>
<div>
you reached out with hands loving.</div>
<div>
Reading and learning;</div>
<div>
your life will never be the same.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You sat in their home and said,</div>
<div>
'We all are God's children'.</div>
<div>
Tears ran down their face that day,</div>
<div>
as they kneeled down to pray.</div>
<div>
Hearts were changed; made better</div>
<div>
when they came to the water.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Preaching and teaching;</div>
<div>
you reached out with hands loving.</div>
<div>
Reading and learning;</div>
<div>
your life will never be the same.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Back at the plan again;</div>
<div>
this good-bye is so hard to end.</div>
<div>
Eighteen months have now past,</div>
<div>
and that man, Beck is joined with us.</div>
<div>
We send our love and good luck.</div>
<div>
Your mission's complete- may the memories be sweet.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You're life will never be the same.</div>
</div>
Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311589296318405987.post-63204208868455832282013-09-01T22:36:00.000-06:002013-09-01T22:36:14.206-06:00I'm Free<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: right;">
(Written on 07/27/06)</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
The sun comin up</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
o'er the mountains far.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Time to fill my cup-</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
ain't never felt like this before;</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Like my spirit inside me</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
just won't let me be.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Oh it yearns to be free.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
My heart is racing.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
My eyes are opened.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
For so long</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
I struggled to hold on.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Now deep inside me</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
I'm free!</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Chasing dreams along the stream-</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Oh I've never felt so clean.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
No doubts. No fears.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Ain't got nothing but happy tears.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
For the joy I feel now,</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
makes me wanna shout</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
my life is taking a new route!</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
My heart is racing.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
My eyes are opened.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
For so long</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
I struggled to hold on.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Now deep inside me</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
I'm free!</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
The stars up above,</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
they send a glimpse of Heaven's love;</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
and oh I can't get enough.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Ain't never going back to where I was;</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
trapped by the enemy,</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
darkness all around me.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
But by God's light, now I see.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
My heart is racing.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
My eyes are opened.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
For so long</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
I struggled to hold on.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Now deep inside me</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
I'm free!</div>
</div>
Stellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388925578673479563noreply@blogger.com0