Each night as I kneel before my maker, I ever so humbly ask to be made an instrument in His hands, to bless the lives of those dear to my heart.
I've seen miracles beyond words brought to pass on numerous occassions. When my soul purpose thrives on my being the tool God chooses to use to bring blessings into the lives of His other children, my heart soars.
But there are inevitably still going to be moments when my sought after purpose, yields to a broken heart. For though I be an instrument, I'm only wielded as far as the Master's hand moves me. For as many miracles as I've encountered, I've witnessed some rejection and carried a heavy and broken heart because of it.
Never before in my life has my heart felt broken for anything such as this before. My heart aches for every family member, every friend, investigator or loved one, who willfully rejects the love of our Father in Heaven after He has so freely shared it through either myself and the words, actions or deeds I strive to be worthy to share with them, or those of other far more worthy instruments and tools at his disposal.
I often feel as did prophets and missionaries of old...
"... I am desirous for the welfare of your souls. Yea, mine anxiety is great for you; and ye yourselves know that it ever has been. For I have exhorted you with all diligence; and I have taught you... and I have spoken unto you concerning all the things which are written..." (Jacob, speaking to the Nephite nation. 2 Nephi 6:3)
"... O Lord, have mercy and spare my life, that I may be an instrument in thy hands to save and preserve this people." (Alma the Younger, praying to God. Alma 2:30)
"O Lord, my heart is exceedingly sorrowful; wilt thou comfort my soul in Christ. O Lord, wilt thou grant unto me that I may have strength, that I may suffer with patience these afflictions which shall come upon me... O Lord, wilt thou comfort my soul, and give unto me success, and also my fellow laborers who are with me... yea, even all these wilt thou comfort their souls in Christ. Wilt thou grant unto them that they may have strength, that they may bear their afflictions which shall come upon them... O Lord, wilt though grant unto us that we may have success in bringing them again unto thee in Christ. Behold, O Lord, their souls are precious, and many of them are our brethren; therefore, give unto us, O Lord, power and wisdom that we may bring these, our brethren, again unto thee." (Alma the Younger, praying to God just prior to missionary service Alma 31:20-34)
I know each of us is entitled to our own agency to choose the life path we will travel, in a sense... but oh how I've come to a deeper understanding of how it felt for my Savior, Jesus Christ... Son of the Living God, to perform the Atonement that night in Gethsemane. He knew then as well as He knows now, just how sorrowful it is to witness the falling and stumbling; the rejection and lack of trust so many souls have chosen to live with.
I'm far from a perfect being, maybe I shouldn't be so eager to make myself moldable at will to the Father; and I know some who will read this post and think that I haven't even scratched the surface... that the eternal welfare of others should be the least of my worries when I fall so far short of the mark that's been placed before me. My imperfections will be my ultimate downfall.
And yet, it seems to be one of the only things my heart truly desires; to aid my God in His great and marvelous work. This inspiring objective brings my spirit climbing to new heights and keeps my temptations, weaknesses and ungodly habits at bay.
Recently, I've been placed in the lives of a couple individuals, for what ultimate purpose I do not know. I only know that with each precious soul, I'm granted a mere sliver of mortal time to lift them higher on life's mountain. While one such individual scoffed at the open hand of love and patience reaching out to him, another seems to tremble and hesitate in mistrust of the same hand.
My soul mourned and at times still feels heavy at the remembrance of how blatantly he pushed away every testament I shared with him; every word of encouragement and hope was cast down and ridiculed simply because it was something he no longer desired to be a part of his life. To this brother, a son of God; child of my heavenly family, I cried in agony at your rejection of the light Father wishes you would let back into your life. I weeped for your misunderstanding of correct principles and teachings that had been shared with you your entire life…. principles and teachings you bore witness and testimony of as a servant in his vineyard some years ago, and now pretend to be a part of for sake of saving face with family and friends but have no real intention of following through with. My heart broke for your sake.
While I privately mourn the choices of one, I plead with loving care on behalf of the other who, due to choices and actions of others struggles to regain her trust in that same great and loving Father who has always watched over her and blessed her. Unfortunately, said trust can only be cemented upon a sure foundation… which at this time may be under mending from so many years of battling the forces which have sought anxiously to bring her down to the very lowest depths, and perhaps in her past she succumbed to some of these forces temptations, ideas, and misrepresentations to the point where she might feel that she is not worthy, or of any worth, or able to trust God again. The only thing I am able to do is help mend the foundation by supplying the means to do so, but I cannot MAKE the foundation be repaired. That will be her choice.
If I could however, without repercussions, sit down with this beautiful, uniquely special; this strong and resilient daughter of God and express to her the testimony that burns brightly in me regarding her strength, her resilience, her beauty and the blessings and gifts Father has yet to give her, I would with assuredness. My words to her would be:
Dearest Sister, for many nights now I've wept for you. How I pray for you to truly know, and trust in the all encompassing love of a Great, Perfect and Almighty Father in Heaven. He knows your heartaches. He sees your trials. He has witnessed your triumphs and wept with you through your pain, and even contradictory life choices. Father knows you and is aware of your needs and righteous desires. He longs to hold you and bring you safely into His rest. He has willingly offered His Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ to provide a way for you to acquire freedom from earthly pains, transgressions, and misgivings. He has lovingly, without guile or judgement, invited you to "Come unto Him", and the Power of Christ's redemption can heal whatever may be broken within you.
These Perfect and Celestial Beings, The Father and The Son, are not like the men you may have encountered in mortality. They will not betray you; they practice no ill will towards you, nor do they approve of any man on earth who denies you the right to be treated with utmost respect, love, care, tenderness, patience and understanding. They long for your regained trust in them and their ability to not only heal and mend your broken heart, but to also set right the situations and experiences that have wronged you; for They are both Merciful, and Just.
The experiences of your past, did not occur because of Their lack of love and concern for you. Understand that some experiences and trials you were meant to go through. To both make you strong, and to prove as witness against those who may have wrongfully and spitefully fought against you.
Please know that you were an exceptionally strong and valiant daughter of God in our Pre-Mortal Life. You fought then for freedoms and rights; correct principles, doctrines and teachings that would provide a pathway towards everyone's eternal progression should they in life choose to live for. That same battle you fought in then, wages on now. Your strength and valiance has only increased and Father is extremely proud of the righteous desires you continue to exhibit and fight for each day. DON'T GIVE UP! Hold on, just a little longer. The pain that you've been feeling, can't compare to the joy that is coming. Angels are here now, to lift you up; and they will carry you upon their shoulders in celebration of your great victories. And my own heart will be singing songs of rejoice at that day, which I KNOW will be soon near, if you but hold on… and place it all in God's hands. Trust in His ability to bless you.
For, it is a trust I have placed in Him on your behalf.
I don't know if these children, or any others in God's kingdom read my words. And maybe no one ever will. But my prayer for these two individuals, mirrors the prayers I have for many others. If you're reading this right now, you might be one of them. Regardless, I hope that my sharing these words has been applied to my purpose and desire to be an instrument in His hands.
I've seen miracles beyond words brought to pass on numerous occassions. When my soul purpose thrives on my being the tool God chooses to use to bring blessings into the lives of His other children, my heart soars.
But there are inevitably still going to be moments when my sought after purpose, yields to a broken heart. For though I be an instrument, I'm only wielded as far as the Master's hand moves me. For as many miracles as I've encountered, I've witnessed some rejection and carried a heavy and broken heart because of it.
Never before in my life has my heart felt broken for anything such as this before. My heart aches for every family member, every friend, investigator or loved one, who willfully rejects the love of our Father in Heaven after He has so freely shared it through either myself and the words, actions or deeds I strive to be worthy to share with them, or those of other far more worthy instruments and tools at his disposal.
I often feel as did prophets and missionaries of old...
"... I am desirous for the welfare of your souls. Yea, mine anxiety is great for you; and ye yourselves know that it ever has been. For I have exhorted you with all diligence; and I have taught you... and I have spoken unto you concerning all the things which are written..." (Jacob, speaking to the Nephite nation. 2 Nephi 6:3)
"... O Lord, have mercy and spare my life, that I may be an instrument in thy hands to save and preserve this people." (Alma the Younger, praying to God. Alma 2:30)
"O Lord, my heart is exceedingly sorrowful; wilt thou comfort my soul in Christ. O Lord, wilt thou grant unto me that I may have strength, that I may suffer with patience these afflictions which shall come upon me... O Lord, wilt thou comfort my soul, and give unto me success, and also my fellow laborers who are with me... yea, even all these wilt thou comfort their souls in Christ. Wilt thou grant unto them that they may have strength, that they may bear their afflictions which shall come upon them... O Lord, wilt though grant unto us that we may have success in bringing them again unto thee in Christ. Behold, O Lord, their souls are precious, and many of them are our brethren; therefore, give unto us, O Lord, power and wisdom that we may bring these, our brethren, again unto thee." (Alma the Younger, praying to God just prior to missionary service Alma 31:20-34)
I know each of us is entitled to our own agency to choose the life path we will travel, in a sense... but oh how I've come to a deeper understanding of how it felt for my Savior, Jesus Christ... Son of the Living God, to perform the Atonement that night in Gethsemane. He knew then as well as He knows now, just how sorrowful it is to witness the falling and stumbling; the rejection and lack of trust so many souls have chosen to live with.
I'm far from a perfect being, maybe I shouldn't be so eager to make myself moldable at will to the Father; and I know some who will read this post and think that I haven't even scratched the surface... that the eternal welfare of others should be the least of my worries when I fall so far short of the mark that's been placed before me. My imperfections will be my ultimate downfall.
And yet, it seems to be one of the only things my heart truly desires; to aid my God in His great and marvelous work. This inspiring objective brings my spirit climbing to new heights and keeps my temptations, weaknesses and ungodly habits at bay.
Recently, I've been placed in the lives of a couple individuals, for what ultimate purpose I do not know. I only know that with each precious soul, I'm granted a mere sliver of mortal time to lift them higher on life's mountain. While one such individual scoffed at the open hand of love and patience reaching out to him, another seems to tremble and hesitate in mistrust of the same hand.
My soul mourned and at times still feels heavy at the remembrance of how blatantly he pushed away every testament I shared with him; every word of encouragement and hope was cast down and ridiculed simply because it was something he no longer desired to be a part of his life. To this brother, a son of God; child of my heavenly family, I cried in agony at your rejection of the light Father wishes you would let back into your life. I weeped for your misunderstanding of correct principles and teachings that had been shared with you your entire life…. principles and teachings you bore witness and testimony of as a servant in his vineyard some years ago, and now pretend to be a part of for sake of saving face with family and friends but have no real intention of following through with. My heart broke for your sake.
While I privately mourn the choices of one, I plead with loving care on behalf of the other who, due to choices and actions of others struggles to regain her trust in that same great and loving Father who has always watched over her and blessed her. Unfortunately, said trust can only be cemented upon a sure foundation… which at this time may be under mending from so many years of battling the forces which have sought anxiously to bring her down to the very lowest depths, and perhaps in her past she succumbed to some of these forces temptations, ideas, and misrepresentations to the point where she might feel that she is not worthy, or of any worth, or able to trust God again. The only thing I am able to do is help mend the foundation by supplying the means to do so, but I cannot MAKE the foundation be repaired. That will be her choice.
If I could however, without repercussions, sit down with this beautiful, uniquely special; this strong and resilient daughter of God and express to her the testimony that burns brightly in me regarding her strength, her resilience, her beauty and the blessings and gifts Father has yet to give her, I would with assuredness. My words to her would be:
Dearest Sister, for many nights now I've wept for you. How I pray for you to truly know, and trust in the all encompassing love of a Great, Perfect and Almighty Father in Heaven. He knows your heartaches. He sees your trials. He has witnessed your triumphs and wept with you through your pain, and even contradictory life choices. Father knows you and is aware of your needs and righteous desires. He longs to hold you and bring you safely into His rest. He has willingly offered His Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ to provide a way for you to acquire freedom from earthly pains, transgressions, and misgivings. He has lovingly, without guile or judgement, invited you to "Come unto Him", and the Power of Christ's redemption can heal whatever may be broken within you.
These Perfect and Celestial Beings, The Father and The Son, are not like the men you may have encountered in mortality. They will not betray you; they practice no ill will towards you, nor do they approve of any man on earth who denies you the right to be treated with utmost respect, love, care, tenderness, patience and understanding. They long for your regained trust in them and their ability to not only heal and mend your broken heart, but to also set right the situations and experiences that have wronged you; for They are both Merciful, and Just.
The experiences of your past, did not occur because of Their lack of love and concern for you. Understand that some experiences and trials you were meant to go through. To both make you strong, and to prove as witness against those who may have wrongfully and spitefully fought against you.
Please know that you were an exceptionally strong and valiant daughter of God in our Pre-Mortal Life. You fought then for freedoms and rights; correct principles, doctrines and teachings that would provide a pathway towards everyone's eternal progression should they in life choose to live for. That same battle you fought in then, wages on now. Your strength and valiance has only increased and Father is extremely proud of the righteous desires you continue to exhibit and fight for each day. DON'T GIVE UP! Hold on, just a little longer. The pain that you've been feeling, can't compare to the joy that is coming. Angels are here now, to lift you up; and they will carry you upon their shoulders in celebration of your great victories. And my own heart will be singing songs of rejoice at that day, which I KNOW will be soon near, if you but hold on… and place it all in God's hands. Trust in His ability to bless you.
For, it is a trust I have placed in Him on your behalf.
I don't know if these children, or any others in God's kingdom read my words. And maybe no one ever will. But my prayer for these two individuals, mirrors the prayers I have for many others. If you're reading this right now, you might be one of them. Regardless, I hope that my sharing these words has been applied to my purpose and desire to be an instrument in His hands.
